X.Simplicity.简简单单.DOWN

2011-12-31T07:38:00.000-08:00

Z-zi yao

我也不晓得要说什么好。
我只是想让你知道，
我曾经答应过你的，
我从来没有反悔过。

像是答应你的秘密，
从来都没有告诉过他人，
我们之间的恩恩怨怨，
就让它们在今天都一笔勾销吧，
让过往烟消云散。

你对我而言，依然是朋友。

2011-12-31T07:23:00.000-08:00

X- Xi Yuan

像你一样，我也和庆幸今年认识了你。
如果不是你，
我今年该过得有多么苦闷。

我忘了，
有没有在你面前痛哭过。
毕竟我是个爱哭鬼。

可是我却记得，
那天下午，
大滴大滴的眼泪从你眼中滑落。

我第一次见哭。
那时候的我，恨透了让你哭成这样子的人。

前前后后，你在我面前哭了三次，
而三次都是为了同一回事。

你说你不知道痛是什么样子，
记得上次我被巴士自动门夹住脚板，
你说你感觉不到我的痛，
是开玩笑还是真的？

因为，我第一次从你身上看见痛的形状。

对啦，你说得对。
我的确将会粘着你，
像口香糖一样赖着你。

因为，
找到一个知心朋友，
真的很难很难。

你是，我如此侥幸遇见的其中一个 (:

V-vinson Cheng

今天下午碰见你了，真是让我惊喜万分。

你是最棒最棒最棒的学长。
谢谢你常常不厌其烦的回答我的疑惑。

连我自己都觉得很麻烦。

所以呀，
你真是太好太好太好了。

我由衷地感激你（：
也希望以后也会一直一直一直保持联络。

你永远会是，
我敬重的学长 (:
哪怕是十多年以后。

To end my 2011.

2011-12-30T16:43:00.000-08:00

Every year is a different one, and 2011 is the best of all I've ever had.
Great friends, awesome teachers and lots of other people who appeared in my life,
or just passed by my life,
But I really really do appreciate your presence,
and the memories which lay imprinted in my mind.

Just being random to start listing down this people's name and about them.
in an alphabetical order, ahaha. just, to end my 2011.
see, what they did to me and how they affected my thought and feelings.

So there I typed an "A" in Facebook searching column and found this little annoying lame girl.

ANGELA LANELY (:
a good friend of mine since 2008, we knew each other since Form 2 and have been in the same class for three awesome years,
well-known with her Great Great nickname of LALA.
a cheerful girl with really lots of crazy ideas kept bumping out from her mind.
Still keeping those birthday cards she made specially for me but i never have the chance to make a pretty one for her,
FOR HER BIRTHDAY IS 30th DECEMBER hmm,
which is yesterday,
so I would like to wish her again,

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MY LALA, thanks for being there as a good friend these years,
i'll never forget all your lame jokes,
and yes, your lame lame giraffe pencil case.

so who's next, ah and i saw this name appearing who is Amanda Leong.
This girl whom I knew since Form 4, not quite long, but quite close once ago (:
hmmm, something unpleasant happened between us before but now it seems so immaterial.
just, she'll be my friend and yes a special one.
She'll be somebody one day, I believe (:

Another A appearing in the list, Anwar, my Form 4 and 5 Physics tuition teacher.
He's quite special in the way he teaches and behaves.
quite good-looking but has a really really bad temper if ever you make noise in his class,
don't you dare to even drop your calculator on the floor or unzip your bag.
errr, but have to admit he's an excellent Physics teacher, other than Puan Chew :D
he's quite helpful if you don't make him angry or pissed off.
the last time I met him, hehe, with DER TING loitering around PUDU and sneaked into Martin in a hot hot afternoon to enjoy the air-conditioned room and also to visit him.
could still remember his surprised face when he saw DER TING in the teachers' room :O

Then I type B,
the first who appear is this dumb girl called YIN YIN BIRD -.-
heh she is someone known as LIM SIN YIN -- a truly sincere friend I don't know how I've came across to be her friend O:
你是个真诚的朋友，我喜欢听见你口中蹦出来的口头弹，
好像 MA-OI，顶你，白痴！
好像有点粗俗噢？
可是我老是觉得，我会很想念很想念你的，
就拜托你，得空给我写写信，好吗？
虽然我想你的字体会很难看，可是只要是你写的，哪怕是短短的，
我都会很开心。

你相信吗？
我真的很感激认识了你，你的活泼，你独特的风趣，
最重要的是你对我的真诚，
真是感恩，
上天让我认识了你 (:

请你一定要相信，
我真的很喜欢很喜欢很喜欢你这个朋友。

and I type C, a so so so so familiar name bumped out : HYO RI COLENE (:
我实在很珍惜你在我的簿子里写过的每段话，
或是胡乱涂鸦的每幅画。
还有，我会很珍惜很珍惜你的签名的 -。-
你说有一天你会出名，
所以你在我簿子里留下的签名，
我会好好珍惜。
嗯啦，还有，我会很想念很想念，
你无聊时候，赖着别人装可爱的样子。
啊是拉，是真的有点点可爱啦。
这是真话。
不过请不要自恋，呵呵呵。

记不记得我问过你的问题?
嘿嘿，
喂，
我很认真很认真地告诉你，

如果，
我是说如果，
我会游泳，又会救人的话，
而你和林俊杰又同时掉进海里的话，
我一定会先救你 (:

因为你是好朋友，
而林俊杰仅仅是，一个遥不可及的陌生人。

hmmm, another C here, Jeff Choong eheh I wonder whether you'll see this or not.
this boy i knew since Form 1,
a great troublemaker at first whom i think he'd grown up now.
had quite a lot of memories with this guys, but quite blur.
I mean, can't really recall what exactly it was.
Just roughly remember that he used to tease me alot when we were in the same school for a short period.
heh, 不知不觉认识了你五年。
喂，你一定要记得我。
我希望你记得我。
你不可以忘记我。
我希望将来的哪一年，哪一天，哪一刻，
在街上偶然碰见你的时候，
你还叫得出我的名字。
还会记得跟我打招呼。
就这么简单而已，
所以，请你一定要记得我。
因为你是个很特别的人。
至少，对我而言。
你给我的感觉，既熟悉，又陌生。

严重警告：你一定要记得我。

:DDDDD

another C, KLEIN CHONG!
嗒铛！
这个我认识了应该有 12 年的男生，钟道霆。
嘿，
我有一种很强烈的感觉，
会有这么一天，
你将会干一番轰轰烈烈的事业。

所以你也要记得我，
因为我一定会记得你。
我只是觉得，
可以同校十多年，同班了 7 年，
是种不可多得的缘分。

不晓得你怎么想。

嘿嘿，
十多年里，
我们吵架打打闹闹的次数和一起出游玩乐的次数不相上下。

我应该告诉过你，
你是个很好的竞争者。
对我而言，
反正从小时候开始，我就是那么死心眼盯上了你。

呵呵，不要生气。
喂，
我很好胜，
所以你应该很荣幸当我的竞争者。
至少，
以后都没有这个机会了。

你说过的，
我是你的好朋友。

我希望，
我们一直都是。

我真希望，
在我年老的时候，
还可以乐呵呵地告诉我的后辈们，
呵呵，
我有一个从幼儿园，呃，小学，中学认识到现在的老爷爷朋友。
认识了，几乎我一生的朋友。

还有那班我最亲爱的 6M 班的小学朋友们。
真不敢想象，
我们居然，
保持联络到现在。

我的意思是，
我们的关系居然这么密切，
虽然已经过了5年。

嘿嘿，缘分缘分。

C, Jea Yue Chew.
hmmm okay i forget how I knew this girl actually.

应该是哪一个我正在埋首苦读的晚上，
开始无聊了，
开了面子书，
惊讶地发现留言信箱里，
这女孩留下的信息，
似乎是被骇了。

我为这个人担惊受怕，
找来她的号码，
拨给她，告诉她，
她被骇了，
她却笑嘻嘻地告诉我，

她在捉弄我。

是呀，很无聊的恶作剧。

可是却认识了这个人。

这女孩跟我说了很所很多话。
很多时候，是些莫名其妙的恶作剧。
有时候，还会煞有其事地鼓励我去主动跟一个男生表明心意。
反正这是不可能的，
忘了算了。

喂，
如果我告诉你我真正的想法的话，
你一定会很失望嘿嘿而且那需要我很大的勇气 )':
因为真的不如你想的那样。

喂，记得常给我写信。
或许我会考虑，
告诉你你想知道的一切。

another C, zhao xian chong.

ahahahahah a "look-like-a-junior" senior of mine (:

常常跟这个学哥聊天，
聊些有的没的，
可以很无厘头，
也可以正经八百地讨论学记事宜。

反正，
就是一个很熟悉的学哥就对了。

他常常给我取些莫名其妙的外号。
好像突然说我发烧了，发“有无可无”高烧，烧坏了脑筋，
又或者见我爱说 owh,
就索性叫我 owh owh girl

lalalalalalalalaallalaaalalalalallaala
although i don't really want to make you feel proud but i still have to admit it,
you are such a great xue ge to me.

okay that's it (:

D- der ting teh.

someone really really special I guess he is my first BOY friend who is so close to me
we can even bathe together, i mean in separate rooms in a toilet.
Before this i could never imagine how close a girl could be with a boy, with a PURE friendship tie between them, and now I know.

跟这个男生，绝对绝对是纯友谊。
如果我哪天对他起了非分之想，
我一定是疯了，脑筋断了乱了。

一个很风趣，幽默感极佳的男生。
跟他走在一起，不愁会闷慌。

只是，我真的倒想看看，
往后他的第一个女朋友是长什么样子的。
又是怎么样的性格呢？

E- eunis ong

我有，好多好多的话想对你说。
可是却不知道，
应该从何下手。

可是有些话，
如果不说出来，
就会随着时间的流逝，
慢慢忘记。

如果时间能重来，
我一定一定会守在你身边，
做你的好朋友。

可惜幻想终究只能是幻想，
像夏天午后的泡沫一样，
绚丽却容易破裂。

我，如果可以再一次，
再一次和你碰面，
我一定会，
把我的心里话，
全都告诉你。

你是我的好朋友，
所以我还是会常常挂念你，关心你。
至于我还算得上是你的朋友与否，
你应该很清楚。

磁铁。
火星女孩。
磁铁。
火星女孩。

我会想念，
我会一直一直，
想念。

J- Jun Wen Pua.

<3

so so so so so lucky for being able to know you this year.
i mean, being such close friends.

heyyyyya.

我老是觉得你的性格跟我十分相似。
至少，我们都十分紧张我们的学业，
还有很多很多，
好像啊，
如果别人问我们一些课业问题，而我们又答不出的话，
一定会十分紧张，
回去拼命复习，背起来。
还会，
因为比别人对多一题而沾沾自喜。

喂，如果说错了，不要生气。
你是个很好的倾听者呢。
反正我对你说什么，你都会照单全收，
也会发表自己对人对事的看法。

你说过会好好利用这三个月的，
你一定做得到。
你要过得很精彩（:

J-jolene Khun

you promised that you'll write me pretty letters to my NS campsite :DD
knew you since form 3 as there's only 3 chinese female prefect in Form 3 remember?
heheh,
and this year we were in the same group, again :O

you're such a funny girl with all those random jokes which can make others laugh hysterically but you don't feel that's a big joke , heheh.

Just simply hope you two will still be that lucky and win all those Korean stars concert or meet-and-greet tickets next year,
JUST,

all the best in your future laaaaah <3

K-kt kung

hahahahahhahaha a great teacher (:
always give good advice whenever I refer to him.
Got a so father look hmmmm.

and yes i'll remember this teacher forever
since you're the best maths teacher I've ever had :DDD

and will remember all your funny jokes and the way you teach (:

such an awesome teacher (:

P- Tay Pio 郑老师

真的很开心, 上了你的华文班一年.
老师，你的眼睛像是可以看透大家的内心一样锐利。
而你说过的话，却牢牢地烙印在我的心坎。

老师，谢谢你。
无论如何，你是我一辈子会记得的华文老师，
哪怕你只教过我短短的一年。

2011-12-08T06:00:00.000-08:00

毕业了。

终于来到了这一天。
一晃就是五年。
依稀记得胆怯地踏进这所看似遥远的学校时，
那种迫不及待，要把整所学校熟悉起来的那种心情。
就像是，一个心急的孩子想把包装纸拆开来，看看礼物是什么样子。

如果说是份礼物，
也不为过。
上帝的确赐给我一份美好的礼物。
让我成长，让我茁壮成长的一所好学校。

这是一所美丽的学校。
何等美丽，愚钝的我却在这里呆了五年后才发觉，
应该没有比这里更好的学校了。

每个学生都会如此想的，不是吗？
自己的学校，永远是最棒的，最出色的。

我常常幻想着一天的到来，会是什么样子。
是应该悲伤呢？
还是应该开支红酒来庆祝终于毕业？

原来是这种滋味呀。
明明心里有说不出的高兴，
可是却有另一股更强大的悲伤压抑着本应出现的开心。
心里酸酸的，
鼻头酸酸的，
眼睛湿湿的，
可是谁也不愿意说出那种伤心来。

谢谢我的学校，
谢谢我的老师，
谢谢我的朋友，
谢谢我的敌人。

有时候，我会很感性的在蔚蓝的苍穹下，
在那明亮的窗口前，
虔诚地双膝跪地向主祷告。
那时候我的心里会平静极了，
像一潭干净清澈的湖水一样平静。

可是那是好久好久之前的事情了。
那时候的我，觉得世界美好极了。
天空那么蓝，
白云那么白，
而我的心，却如此惊奇的平静。

今天早上起床，不过是早上8.30，
不明白为什么生理时钟让我在那时候醒过来。
或许熬久了，晚上读书读太迟了，
早上又习惯了起得早，

--结果昨晚兴致勃勃地想一觉睡到下午的创举没能实现。

铺好了被单，整理好了床铺，
翻身下床，脚尖触到地板时冷冰冰的。

真的，不用再读书了。
短期之内。

有一点空荡荡，
我把窗户统统推开，
早上的空气冰凉冰凉，
却没有想象中写意的冷风轻轻的吹在我脸上。

我蹑手蹑脚，走到客厅里。
爸爸还没醒来。
妈妈还没醒来。
客厅里空荡荡。
一阵风吹来，
黑漆漆的，
什么声音也没有，
心里是如此的不踏实。

毫无意识的来到了书橱前，
看着整齐的，一叠叠的，厚厚的，
参考书课本。
都不属于我了。
那种感觉莫名其妙，
应该疯狂的鼓掌庆祝才对，
就像昨天下午，
考完华文回家后，
舍不得褪下校服，
穿着它辛苦的吃着午饭。

昨天，
什么都是最后一次了。

我轻轻的推开玻璃橱窗，
随手在那排虽然很整齐，但是却有些老旧的书本中，
玩了个无聊的游戏。

我紧闭着眼，
任由手指来回在书本上移动，
数到十，便抽出那一本幸运的书。

结果是一本很陌生的----

----《射雕英雄传》

我从来不看这一类小说，
既然注定了是这一本，
我就接受好了。

我拖着最爱的抱枕，
半坐半躺在床上一页页的翻着。

的确是本好书，
我想，我的假期里第一本会喜欢上的书就是它。

或许那一天，
我真的要真心感谢生命中出现的每一个人。
让我跌倒，让我成长。

突然觉得自己像彩虹一样幸福，
去了最棒的公民华小，
认识了一群很棒很棒的老朋友。

然后虽然不是很顺利的，
可是还是辗转而进到的 SMK Aminuddin Baki (:
认识了一群超赞的朋友。
吵架时气势凌人，开玩笑时笑足整夜的--朋友。

还有很幸运的加入了学记队，
认识了一班我可以乱哈拉的好朋友。

我真的，
像彩虹一样幸运。

**********************************************

如果你问我，
为什么是像彩虹一样幸运，
你应该想想，

雨后出现的永远是彩虹。
这难道不幸运吗？

p/s : 我又想你了。

关于，学业，朋友和爱情

2011-08-28T20:51:00.000-07:00

只不过是偶然有了想写些什么的念头/

我是个恐怖的人，
从来都是。
这两个月里发生了太多的事情，都想一一记录下来。
不管难堪的，还是快乐的，
我都想记录下来。

记忆是短暂的，只有记录是长久的。
至少我是这么认为。

最近发生了太多太多事情，
就从昨天开始写起吧。

昨天去了花踪，是抱着想去看看的心态报名的。
还有想看看曾经让我感动一首诗的郑愁予。

是的，我们的确做错了，
不应该如此放肆擅意离场。
一路上，大家都唯唯诺诺，担惊受怕。
甚至一度想要折返现场。

我甚至怀疑自己是此次逃亡的始作俑者。
当大家在担心的时候，我的担忧是最微小的。
可能在学校里胡作非为的事干得太多了吧？
我们在学校里都是这样长大 )':

不管怎么样，
错了就是错了，不应该辩解。
然后道歉？
好了，就到此为止。
只是想让关心此事的人知道：
我们不是做错事。不知悔改的人。
难道你不曾做错事了吗？
呵呵。

是真的惭愧了，伤心了。
这一种感觉毕竟不好受。
可是也何尝不是成长的一道美丽风景？

我会记得，那种担惊受怕的心情，
因为那是一种回忆，
一种以后想起从前，会心一笑的美丽心情。

再一次的对不起。
不管你们是否感受到了当中的真诚，至少我相信上帝听得见。

To be continued......

停住了从前，停不住时间。
我想起了那个男孩。
我还是会不经意地想起你呢。

是该惋惜还是珍惜？
惋惜，没来得及告诉你我真正的想法。
珍惜，至少现在外可以跟你微笑点头。

拥有过，却没有把握。

我是真心希望你开心呢。
好像隐约明白那种心情。
既然得不到了，
我希望他开心，
真的快乐。

你会看见这一段文字吗>
我希望你看得见呢。
你看见了吗？
你知道这是你吗？

断断续续喜欢那个男孩了五年。
或许他是我的中学生涯里，唯一喜欢过的人吧？

我也不晓得。
是的，他并不特出。
或许我们从一开始的相遇就是一个注定的缘分。

让我断断续续喜欢了这个人这么久。
安静结束，或许也是美丽的结局.

是真心希望他开心，
是由衷祝福他快乐。

你是我中学生涯，另一道回忆。
我希望，在你的记忆里，还会有我的存在。
至少往后在路上碰见时，

希望你可以叫出我的名字。
希望你不会忘记我。

呵呵，我居然那么卑微地渴望被你记得，
那么，请你记得我，好吗？

我突然想起，你向我坦诚，
曾经喜欢过我。
你一定不知道我有多快乐。
快乐之后是遗憾，
遗憾没有把握渺小的机会，
告诉你，
我也是呢。

算了，不曾开始，也就没有结束。
我希望你记得我。

记得我，
这是我最后的祈求了。
我会记得，你曾是我最爱的情歌。

To be continued....

然后说，关于朋友。
我好就没有这种对友情的快乐了。
我多么珍惜现在的友情。
得来不易，
我真的不会轻易放手呢。

一个，今年才熟悉的朋友。
如果你也在读着的话，你会知道这是你。

那一天我第一次看见你的眼泪。
才让我发现你坚强里的脆弱。
你不会知道你微微颤抖的肩膀，让我多么疼惜。
室内就只有我们两个，坐在舒服的沙发上。
我安静的坐在对面，眼睁睁看你拼命仰起头，
努力不让眼泪流下。

我多么想告诉你，就尽情的哭出来吧。
你累了，
你真的累了。

我坐到你身边轻轻拥着你，
被你的伤心感染了，
让我闷闷不乐了一整天。

另外一个，不太可能会看见这些话的女孩。
我曾经是真心的，把你当作朋友呢。
可是那天之后，我真的不知道怎样去直视你呢。

尤其是那个男孩，
你不知道的事情太多了，关于这个男孩曾做的一切。
我不是当事者呢。
都如此生气地打抱不平。

你怎么能够，这样子对她。

我不晓得应该怎样去告诉你，
你们理所当然应该快快乐乐的在一起。
可是请不要，也理所当然的去伤害别人。
你的理所当然，是别人的情何以堪!

祝你们也快乐，要毕业了，
我不喜欢讨厌人的感觉。
祝你们快乐，
虽然你们的快乐，应该建筑在理所当然的愧疚之上。

可是我却深信，
你是不会愧疚的。
你从来是一个我行我素的女孩。

把快乐收好，
不要把伤痛带给别人。
记得，好不好？

我还想，说关于学记，学业，和华文学会呢。
To be continued...

2011-06-15T05:53:00.000-07:00

我很想爱他但是眼睛在说谎
隐瞒比较容易吧免得感情变得复杂
我很想爱他但是理智在吵架
退出可能解围吗谁能给我一个好的回答 ♥

.....
Loneliness engulfed me, without any pieces left.
.....

你不晓得我为什么会如此生气，
或许你知道，
或许你不知道。

我压抑着，却发现自己早已经失望透顶。
为什么我有着这样的性格。
而你有着那样的性格。

我们好像从来学不会坦诚，
或许不需要坦诚，
坦诚对我们而言多么奢侈，甚至我们不屑于坦诚。

我好像认识你超过12年了吧，多多少少。
我会为这段得来不易的缘分忧伤。
我们只剩下短短几个月就从此不会同校了。
你会吗？

你会吗。

我的心里凉凉的，空洞空洞。
或许太相似的两个人总会有这样的下场。
我希望你永远不会看见这一篇随笔，
却卑微地希望你真的知道我在想什么。

我不知道为什么看见你就会怒火中烧，
然后我会失去理智地把愤怒表现给你看。
把从你那里遭受回来的丢在你的脸上。

对不起，
我无法不这么做。
或许如果一开始时，假设是我这么对待你，
我想你会有比我现在更加激烈的反应。

我会痛惜我们这段情谊，
也会继续让自己用愤怒麻痹自己。
直到我真的放开了一切，
我想那会是很多年之后的事。

我求求你，
我不晓得我是以什么样的身份在卑微地请求你。
给我一个应得的道歉，
不，
那太奢侈了，
你绝对不会这么做。

至少，
请你给我一个解释，
让我觉得你不是这么糟糕。
为什么做错事的不是我，我还得如此谦卑地去请求，去奢望。

曾经我绝望地想当面把你的头发扯断，把你的脸撕开。
你可以想象那种愤怒是多么的糟糕。
请你给我机会，把愤怒洗掉。

你什么时候变回原来的你/
朋友。

2011-04-09T02:04:00.000-07:00

Now what else can we do, other than stand aside and see what's going to happen next.

As I told my close friends, Teenage Life is going to be full of scars and wounds, whether it can be seen or not. But now who cares?

You made me grown up, I experienced too much in a simple week.
Perhaps just in two days' time, you made me grown up alot.
At least I think deeper and see things rationally.
But in fact, your attitude has driven me into a super-crazy mode,
where my patience and tolerance simply collapsed and turned to anger and disappointment.

I know you well.
The way you behave and the way you speak.
How am I going to understand the inner you?
What I understand is just simply your harsh attitude.
See the way you portray yourself, the way you speak shows the inner you, in case you don't know.
More than enough, this is not everyone wanted to happen.

We want peace.
But it seems like someone out there don't feel the same,
or maybe, the person just simply get her peaceful life by hurting others.

It's so true, that both parties gonna tell DIFFERENT stories to their friends.
But If ever I'm in the middle watching all these happenings,
FOR SURE you're the one to be blamed.
Had you not interrupt the conversation, everything's going to be alright.
But in fact, you did.
Just admit it before you try your best to explain anything else.
You are the one who interrupted the conversation at first.
That's it.

Other than that I'm not going to put any remarks.
I'm not the eye-witness, why should I side any party?

What I know is your attitude annoys people.
The way you speak, the way you point your finger at one when you speaks,
It annoys me too when you spoke to me during meeting yesterday.
If I were to be given a chance, I would have done the same by poking my fingers into your nose.

Why should I be angry.
NOW why?
and I can simply tell it's because you hurt my friend.
Yet you're pointing all the rubbish to PBSM.

that's the reason, no matter who was the one who lost control yesterday or being rude.
You're the one to be blamed for being the fire stone.
just simply admit it.

Do you believe in karma?

haha, it's okay if you don't.
Pray hard to God that he's going to forgive your sins.
Too heavy to be forgiven.
huh!

It's okay.
We're now 17. I don't want any out-and-out war.

I'm not going to forgive you. just in case I do so,
I would say it's because I can easily forgive one.

I know it well, you're not going to apologise,
for you think you've done nothing.
you are innocent.
You are a poor girl being blamed in such way.

It's okay.
God knows who's on the right side.
I'm glad enough with the thought of God, he knows all these, alright.

2011-01-14T00:04:00.000-08:00

开学，然后过了两个星期。

时间在流逝，而且速度渐渐加快，让我难以释怀。
两个星期了，我很忙，也很迷茫。

有些时候，我在想，
人死了会去那里？

我害怕死亡，我不敢面对死亡。
我看起来是个大剌剌的女生，其实却懦弱无比。

最近，身边很多人的亲人陆续去世，让我有一种莫名的担忧。
然而，这种担忧是无形的，随时都会萦绕着我的思想。

I know I tend to be sociable, friendly, fun loving and talkative.
I am relatively social and enjoy the company of others.
and it's good i can know myself better.
有多少人，终其一生，迷迷糊糊地输掉时光？
我珍惜，因为我了解我自己。

我是个爱幻想的女生。
什么都想，甚至常常做出一些让人措手不及的事情来。

幻想终究是美丽的。
只有在幻想世界里，不可能才会有可能。
幻想是任何人的权利，
没有办法得到一些事物，我就会幻想。

然后你会说，有梦想就要努力去实践。
实践？
有多少个人会努力地迈开脚步去实践？
有许许多多的梦想，
都沉浸在幻想世界里，
不曾踏足过真实世界。

I love to read Mitch Albom, he's such a motivating writer.
This TWO books are strongly recommended :
一点小信仰
<> 再给我一天

这两本励志小说都很引人入胜。
我看了会掉泪，会反省。
所以我说，最成功的小说作者莫过于能够让读者们置身于文字内的作者。
我看见了两个，可惜都是外籍作家。

Charles Dickens and Mitch Albom (:

去阅读他们的著作，你一定不会后悔。
读过他们的书，我觉得自己如斯渺小。

渺小的我因为他们而勇敢地梦。

有些人说他们的作品不过尔尔，
我只能够说，他们太肤浅了。

嘿。
我希望今年一切平安，
没有战争，没有天灾，没有人祸。

明年，考完SPM过后，
我要加入世界宣明会行列，
到其他贫困国度去。

去把爱散播出去。
每次收到 World Vision 的传单，都难过不已。
孩童们的眼神，
是
如此渴望被爱。

他们需要爱。
他们需要希望。
世界本来就不公平。
每次我在抱怨不公平的时候，

我取出 file 里面的世界宣明会传单，
我会觉得眼前的不公平如此渺小。

嘿。
真的很渺小。
他们所承受的，是我们所无法想象的。

我会继续发梦，
梦醒了，
还是会懵懵懂懂。

只是，
我会记得，
梦醒了还是要继续努力。

老天爷没有亏待我，
他赐予我最美好的东西，就是智慧。

我并不是很聪明，
只是祂赐予我的智慧，
让我比其他同学容易明白课程重点。

我由衷地感恩，
因为这颗脑袋，
让我容易明白，容易吸收。

我更加感恩，
我的智慧，让我看见这个世界的贫困和枯寂。

谢谢主。

2010 回忆录 (:

2010-12-31T06:43:00.000-08:00

PART n (:

今天晚上我想我会睡得很好，
因为男孩刚才给了我一个很好的交代。
也许不算是承诺，

可是我却深深受落 (:

我突然觉得我很寂寞，要不然一年的时间里不会对4个男生有好感。
一定是看到别人都成双成对的，
所以我羡慕。

还好不是嫉妒。

提到成双成对，
真的是笑坏我了。
明年的精英班居然有3对情侣。

as i said,
coupling is good for results (:
so do couple.
of course this is going to be banned but it's so true okay, in a negative way (:

最气人的是，
we strive so hard just to squeeze into the first class.
and it turn out to be the beside-toilet class -.-
so terrible right -.-

还很不幸地跟“沉船” 还有 “小黑黑” 同一班。
我觉得我会短命几年。

okay back to topic (:

I've had feelings towards my first guy for 1 and a half year long -.-
and finally in this year, 终于没有了当初那一种感觉。

他留给我的，除了回忆，
已经没有多少遐想了。

不过我会很想念他唱《给我你的爱》。
他们说他唱歌很好听。

可是那时候我觉得，
还好啦。

my second guy is my school's senior O___________________O
我喜欢过的第二个男生，
是学长。

I dare not to write anything about him.
it's so so so obvious lah (:

the third guy i've had feeling is also a senior, but not school senior (:
he is kind of cute larrrrrr (:
but i think this one is only me temporarily feelings lah (:

ah.
i wonder what's going to happen if ever he knows i gotta feeling towards him -.-

my 4th guy (:
我才刚刚有感觉不久，
如果不是他主动来找我照相的那一刻，
我想我都不会知道他对我有感觉，

他给我的承诺，
我会记得。
可是，
很久很久很久的以后，
谁还会记得是谁先说，
我喜欢你。
呢？

I love New York.
I love Malaysia the most (:
平安，没有战争，没有严重的天灾。

我希望2011一样平安。

2011，《爱与希望》
去听这一首歌。
这是我对大家的希望。

《加油》林俊杰，
希望新的一年，
大家加油。

其实，
《加油》这一首歌，
陪着我度过许多难熬的时刻。
在2010年，
谢谢《加油》这一首歌。

2011年，
我期待着一首，
让我笑口常开，乐观开朗的一首歌。

ilnyiljcilkhilzxiljjilenilslilyhily (:

2010 回忆录 (:

2010-12-31T04:59:00.000-08:00

PART 4 (:

朋友篇先吧。

符晓俐，
她实在是一个令人讨厌的女生。

真的非常令人讨厌。
她每次都让我没有办法抗拒把秘密告诉她。

然后每次都在她的面前崩溃痛哭，
要不然就疯狂大笑。

我想有那么一首歌可以形容我们。
《一个像夏天，一个像秋天》

你了解我所有得意的东西，
却永远为我的美好形象保密 (:

我最渺小，最脆弱的一面你都看得一清二楚，
所以你才会这么形容我：

YOU are weak-but-strong-but-weak-but-strong (:

我是一个笑起来很疯癫，
大哭起来很轰轰烈烈的女生。

我好像不止一次对着那个令人讨厌的晓俐稀里哗啦地哭过。
所以我才说她讨厌 -.-

因为她看见我最最最最脆弱，的那一面。

不知道为什么，
我突然间特别想念你那一句：你请我啦!

这个晓俐，
每次约她去逛街，看电影，或者吃东西，
她每次都会说：你请我啦！

我也是很穷的。okay?

ANGELALALALALALA MUI (:

她是我最最可爱的朋友，（因为她的身形关系）
no lah (:
anyway happy birthday,again (:

She understand me well, and yes she is easily-bullied tooo.

她应该很了解我的坏脾气。
可是每次都逆来顺受。
明年不能和她同班了，
我会很想念很想念你的。

她每次给我很温暖的感觉，
像个邻家女孩。
我爱你（:

----- to be continue-----
tammie kwong i will write lah (:

2010 回忆录 (:

2010-12-31T04:11:00.001-08:00

PART 3 (:

I am deciding whether to use English or Mandarin but since,
XUE JI is mandarin-based,
so i will (:

用华语！

他们撑着伞，在我们身边陪着 (:

有时候，我心中的理智会和感性吵架。
当我的补习时间撞上学记会议时间的时候。

他们撑着伞，在我们身边陪着 (:

然后我就会很感动，很受落。
先跳到学哥学姐篇。

志森学哥。
他很特别，
他真的很特别，
他真的真的很特别。

因为我第一眼看见他，
就有感觉告诉我，
我见过他，
而且不是一面之缘这么简单。

学记培训营过后，
我回家拿出校刊。
翻了6M 那一页，
看见志森学哥那张带点稚气的脸。

我深呼一口气，
原来我的聪明不只是聪明这么简单。
我的记忆力真的很好 (:

原来我和他同校过5 年。

后来我看见郑全城的哥哥，
也就是全杰学哥。

我觉得很好笑，
世界真细小，
居然在这种状况下重逢。

我还很清楚，非常清楚地记得，
志森学哥对我说的第一句话是：

学妹，不要笑。笑什么这么好笑？

我无辜地笑笑，
那时候我以为，
惨咯，学记队里是不可以乱笑的。

后来，
在学记队的日子久了，
就明白学哥学姐们的严肃是因为我们的娇惯。

我还记得那天和学哥还有继来学哥聊天聊到天亮。
我真的第一次知道，
原来学哥为带领不好我们而难过愧疚不已。

学哥啊啊啊啊啊啊啊 (:
You have been a good senior to us,
maybe you dont realise this,
but it is so true and clear that you have treated us nicely.
你不需要愧疚，真的。
我不晓得应该说什么，
不过这是我的感受，
我相信这是我们蕉赖区学弟学妹们的感受。

这是对你们说的。
珈杏学姐和志森学哥 (:

珈杏学姐和志森学哥，
谢谢你们。
就在我很烦躁，很苦恼的那一段时间，
谢谢你们不经意地，每隔一段时间，
就会发信息给我问我的近况。

谢谢。

至少让我在很想说话的时候，
有人可以听我的倾诉。

谢谢。

那种感觉就像是，
便秘了很久，
要大便的时候终于找到了一个难得的马桶一样。

很令人作呕的比喻，
是一个很无聊的人教我的。

那种感觉其实就像是，
终于找到了可以说话的对象。
就这样而已。

谢谢谢谢谢谢谢谢谢谢 (:

还有一个学哥，
兆贤学哥。
我忘记是什么样的情况下，
他变成了除了珈杏学姐和志森学哥之外，
我另一个说话的对象。

也很谢谢他，
很明白我的心情。
噢，还有一件事，
兆贤学哥特别喜欢用这些符号。

O.O~
^^

等等，等等。

well to be honest, the ONLY reason why I dislike these symbols is just only because,
one friend of mine likes to use these symbols,
and i am annoyed by the way he behaved,
so 潜移默化地我也很讨厌这些符号。

就这样而已 (:

hey, no hard feelings okay (:

coming next,
学记同届，节目组，
学校朋友篇
营会篇
男孩篇

2010 回忆录 (:

2010-12-31T03:37:00.000-08:00

。。。续。。。

说完了失去的朋友，
现在先跳去学记篇，才再回来写朋友篇 (:

学记
有人说，你在学记队里付出了多少，就会得到多少。
我静悄悄地加入了学记队，
却轰轰烈烈地体会了很多中学生涯没有办法体会的感受。

我现在真的觉得，
如果我没有加入学记队，
会是我中学生涯的一大损失。

虽然我在学记队的时光算不上完美，
可是学记队所带给我的，
却是受用一生的道理与体会。

我真的很害怕，
现在对学记队的热忱，
会随着时光的流逝而变得无所谓，
那种热忱一天一天被摧毁。

我爱学记。
我很喜欢这件衣服。

我爱学记。
可是我们有没有想过，
我们是怎样去爱学记的？

参加筹委营会的过程来爱学记？
还是在培训营里骂人来爱学记？

我爱学记。
我奉献的不多，可是没有人能够否定我对学记的热爱。

那是一种亲切的体会，
没有经历过的人不会明白。

如果有一天，我们都发觉，
学记队其实是中学生涯里最值得回味的一段日子，
我想，那时候的我们，
年纪也不小了。

我会毫不犹豫，
大声地说：
我爱学记。

因为我真的很爱学记。

我想写下每一个我熟悉的学记。
因为我不想忘记这一种感觉。
我可能要写很久很久，
但是我希望在 2011年来临之前写完。

我还有4个小时。

就先从蕉赖区的学记开始吧。

我们的组长，何仁骏。
一开始，我觉得他是一个懵懵懂懂，糊里糊涂的男生。
相处久了，其实他除了有时候不在状况之外，
我所看到的都是优点。

说实在的，我很庆幸当初没有当上组长，而当了副组长。

仁骏才是当组长的材料，我太高估自己了。
每次我看见仁骏关心其他组员的时候，
我就会很庆幸他是组长。

他的那一份真诚，是我所没有的。

我只能够这么说。
可能有时候他未必能把一件事情处理好，可是无可否认的，
他的真诚，他的责任感超过了任何人。

这是我感觉到的。
所以当他当选联谊会财政的时候，
我真的是很开心。

那种说不出口的感受，我想只有一些人明白。
他未必很好，
可是他的真诚，他的那一份心意已足欸。

真的，仁骏会做到很好。
我相信他。

还有，他很诙谐。
有时候，他说的话，他自己不觉得好笑，
可是身边的人都笑翻了。

仁骏会做到很好，
至少会做到他应该尽的本分。
我觉得，他真的很适合在联谊会高层里带领我们。

这是一种直接的赞赏。

第2个失去的好朋友，也是我在学记队里最要好的朋友。
梁舒仪
她和我太相似了，
太相似的两个人，难免会产生摩擦。

我曾经很羡慕我和舒仪之间的和好如初。
为什么我和朋友1就不可以如此坦诚相对。

可是，不久我就明白了。
因为我是在学记队里认识舒仪的。

在学记队里没有永远的不和，
只有在学记队里，
才会有永无止尽的包容和宽恕。

只有在学记队里，
我们能够把心中的不满和争执摊开来说明白。
是在大家面前把问题解决掉。

我不晓得你们有没有发现学记队这个优势。
至少在学校朋友群里很难这样做到。

没有其他平台会让我们像这样说出来对对方的不满。
只有在学记队，
坦诚过后，
哭了过后，
拥抱过后，
笑着和好。

所以我说学记队很特别，
没有复杂险恶，没有你争我斗。
就算有，也会在一些日子后平息下来。

我和舒仪，就是这样子和好的。

-----to be continue----

2010-12-31T01:15:00.000-08:00

2010 回忆录

我不晓得应该从哪里写起，我就只好想到什么写什么。

2010，实在是我人生的一个转折点。我学会独立，学会很多早应该学会的东西。我的2010，奉献给了学业和学记，还有朋友们。

学业，我很满意。我真的不应该吹毛求疵。

第一次考试：我拿全级第2名。我开心得快要疯掉，却在想如果我当时加把劲，努力一点，可能会拿到第1名。后来我才晓得，什么叫做知足。

第二次和第三次考试：我拿到全级第1名。那时候却已经没有想象中的开心了，却有一种久违的感触，已经4年没有拿全级第1名了，自从小学毕业以后。

第四次考试：退步了，全级第3名。可能我不应该太过执著，我常常安慰自己，别人可以专心读书，而我却常常要去学记节目组会议。

我忙，所以我退步。你们眼中只有读书，所以才会进步。

后来我发现，这个想法可笑到不行。明明是我自己懒惰才会退步的，我却把责任推卸到出席学记活动作为借口。

只有懒惰的人才会退步，因为勤劳的人，不管再多的活动，他还是可以得到自己想要的成绩。因为他勤劳，他不浪费一分一秒可以读书的时间。

而我，却常常趁着空闲的时候躺在沙发上，哀叹自己的生活怎么会如此忙碌。

勤劳的人，却会用躺在沙发上的时间温习完一课又一课的科目。

2011，我一定要变勤劳。

这一篇回忆录，提到的第一个人，是和我的学业息息相关的。

当当当当… 钟道霆 (:

我刚才才看到他，被索绕在甜蜜的气氛里。(:

他是我前进的动力，他或许不会知道。小学的时候，我常常视他为敌。他应该没有啦，我就是坏在好胜心强。常常想要打败接近我名次的人，他是我最接近的目标。

上了中学，居然和他同校。一开始我觉得是种孽缘，后来才发现，能够同校这么多年，是一种难得的缘分。（张伟胜也是）

从幼稚园，到小学，到了中学，我们都长大了。

我不知道我自己在别人眼里有什么变化，可是我看到的钟道霆，他变了许多，变得高大，变得成熟。张伟胜也是一样，从以前的懵懵懂懂，到现在的样子，我们都长大了。

到了中学，我不再把钟道霆当作假想敌，虽然偶尔还是会有这种坏习惯。

到了今天，我才发现，他曾经是我前进的动力。因为他的存在，所以我努力不被打败。

好胜心太强了，实在是本性难移。

如果我应该对他说些什么的话，应该是谢谢吧。

谢谢你，让我努力。谢谢你，让我上了中学，还是有那股向前冲的斗劲。

张伟胜 (:

想起钟道霆我就会想起他。

他给我一种忠厚老实的感觉，虽然上了中学，开始变得自恋极了。

可是我很庆幸，我念的小学是半山芭公民华小。

在这里，我认识了一班到现在感情还很要好的朋友。

我不是在吹牛，在我认识的所有朋友里面，还能够和小学朋友保持这么亲密联络的，

我想，就只剩下我们了 (:

我突然间想写学记 (:

可是实在太长了，不是一篇回忆录所能够写完的。

我就先跳过，写关于我的朋友。

2010，我失去了2个好朋友，只找回了一个，虽然应该还是会有一些裂缝，不过我很开心，因为朋友终究是朋友，友情中的裂缝会痊愈的。

失去的第1个朋友，我还是很心痛。

她曾经是我最谈得来，最要好的朋友。

结果都没有了。

如果可以，我希望时光倒流，

我希望 2010 重新开始，让一切重头来过。

可是幻想毕竟不切实际，

这一个我中学时期第1个交心的朋友，我还是有话想对她说。

这一种感觉很奇怪，我每次一上网，就会先开 Facebook，然后就开你的部落格。我都是怀着忐忑不安的心情，希望你会在段落最后写一些给我的留言。

可是好像很久很久很久都没有了。

我只能够微笑，我想对你说的是，我希望在你的心里会有我一丁点的位置，因为我在心里给你留了一个很重要的位置。

我每次只要想到以后中学毕业了，大家以后再也不会见面的时候，我会很难过。

我真的不想带着对你的愧疚与遗憾毕业，

这是我们的最后一年了。

我突然想起以前我们亲密得像热恋中的情侣，很亲昵。

可能再也回不到以前那样子了，可是我希望我们还是朋友。

真的希望这样，真的。

-----待续--------

2010-12-29T05:48:00.000-08:00

我只能够说我真的很难过。

这些日子真的很难过。

好像没有一样事情顺心如意的。
尤其是爸爸那一件事。
我希望该死的那个人快点还钱。

男孩 (:
那种感觉很奇怪，患得患失。
男孩的眼神告诉我是真实的。
可是到现在还是好像做梦一样。

很奇怪，
另一个男孩，
他给我的感觉很不一样，
说不上是好感，
可是他好像一直在找机会说话。

很奇怪，
要开学了，
假期却好像很快过。

太多的烦恼，
太少的时间。

我真的很想要一个拥抱，
告诉我可以站起来走下去。

这一阵子真的很难过。
我想还是因为爸爸的事情吧。

真的很难过，
我突然很想念男孩。

更加想念那天男孩主动跑过来找我拍照，
把手搭在我肩膀的那一霎那。

我想，
I have two at once (:

No,you are not a creature.

2010-11-21T03:33:00.000-08:00

you are a forgotten rotten mango buried inside the dusty soil beside my toilet.

this post is meant to every single member in the committee.

and I will denote each of you using initials and so on.and of course,this is from the rotten mango to all of us.
all the members in the board (':
Oh no,it suppose to be: you betray us,rotten mango!

这个女孩, 我无话可说.
是彻彻底底不负责任的人.
什么都好,反正已经验证了那么一句话 :
Don't judge a book by its cover, and yes we add this on our very own (':

DON'T JUDGE A GIRL BY HER APPEARANCE!!!!!!!!

especially those who is so used to hide themselves under their nice mask.
after everything is teared off, HORRIBLE! (':

我终于明白为什么重成如此厌恶这个女生 (':

甚至到了可以在众人面前谴责同班朋友的地步.you are simply so fake FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKE (':

TO all other group members,

我不晓得怎么形容你们,
你们也不是很棒,
可是比我想象中优秀很多.

德廷,想的游戏我很喜欢.
为什么?
因为他想出来的游戏很奇怪,奇怪到其他人不可以接受.

那样才好 (':
我改良了他的游戏就可以当作是我自己的游戏的 (':
他从来不知道,好吧, 我今天告诉你.

不过也没什么,节目组的游戏借来接去是很正常的 (':
他今天还偷偷偷偷偷了我的游戏去呈现 -.-

丽欣,
她还好.
只是不太会呈现,
想的游戏好
作的流程好
带领得也相当好.

总之还好啦.

柯建宇 -.-
我不喜欢心情阴晴不定的人.
就算要换脸色,
拜托你先给预告好不好.

不要摆着一张臭脸让人家以为你有事.
干吗? 惹同情啊?

慈恩,紫欣
她们真的好会想游戏,
跟她们搭档是最好的了.

因为不用想游戏 (': ngek ngek ngek ngek -.-

俊源啊，
可怜他咯，
每次要大老远跑来开会。
大老远
大老远
大老远

欣颖很硬朗，
她给我的感觉。
我不晓得为什么。
我喜欢跟她讲话，因为她一定给我活活气死。

节目组呗，
最优质的非我莫属。
噢不是，

是

最幼稚的非我莫属。

天真没有什么不好，
只是少了一点烦恼。

2010-11-04T00:49:00.000-07:00

感觉很奇怪，
我就是不喜欢这种人.
哪一种人说不清楚,
反正我们都是泡沫,
轻轻一碰就破.

是啊,
我们都很脆弱,
我们好像拥有很多,
其实什么都没有耶...

真的,
最近很难受,
真讨厌离愁.
也许应该赌一把,
应该告诉学长,嘿,我喜欢你呢.

一个人的寂寞无奈,
每个人都有.
痛苦的时候我不会闪躲.
因为,再痛,
我也舍不得不去想念你.

那种思念,不是泪水的枷锁.
是无形的力量,
让我忘记忧伤,去思念你.

男孩,你太优秀了.
优秀到你应该不知道自己是多么的优秀.
你太谦卑了.

嘿,太完美的人不适合活在这世上.
我看书看到你了,
开始怀疑我怎么了.
好像随便编一个不怎么样的理由来SMS你呢.

唉,
男孩,
你很优秀
那种,
没天理的优秀.

我倒希望,
这种思念是短暂的,
男孩,唉.

2010-10-25T04:48:00.000-07:00

原来我还是可怜地活在男孩施舍给我的假象里,
天晓得我有多可笑,
其实最可笑的是,
我明明知道那是假象一片,
我还是心甘情愿地沉醉其中,

总有一天我会摔下来的,
然后会很清醒,
嘿,
我从来都很优秀,
一如往常的优秀.

就算摔下来,
我也会优雅地翻空旋转踢他一脚.

2010-10-10T01:27:00.000-07:00

Blogging from the bus on the way back to kl from port dickson,and I had a really relaxing and wonderful trip!i dont know why on earth I got the best camper award!but its okay.and hey I think I have alot to xpress out.i speak too often that I cant control myself from mumbling! I learnt alot from the camp,seriously.

2010-10-07T05:45:00.000-07:00

THIS POST IS MEANT TO DER TING TEH (:
Before that I wish to write something.

只能远远望著你, 日子一天天过去,
你的呼吸你的笑容, 仍然牵动著我.
You will never know this,
but here I'm telling from my deep heart core.


DER TING TEH！
第一名秘诀，要听好，不然会没了！
1.千万不可以喜欢BY2, 因为这样会给你带来视觉骚扰，
考试时看不好答案！

2.要常常听林俊杰的歌,这样你读书会很轻松,
这个我没有开玩笑,
我是真的读书时听林俊杰的歌的,
不过你不用学我,
你大可以听其他轻快歌曲,
只要不是BY2的就好了.

说真的,别老是问我有什么秘诀,
我没有,我不是自私,
我真的真的没有.
我也不晓得,
我更加没有比其他人努力许多.

我还是普通人一个,
真的.
我不知道,我就是这样一个人.
我喜欢读书,因为那样让我感觉很棒.
我知道的东西又多了一点呢,
我会有这样的感觉,
不知道你们会不会这样.
我就是会这样.
但是不包括历史科这种白烂科目,
浪费时间的无聊科目.

可能我记忆力还有吸收能力好吧?
我也不晓得,老师说的我不明白,
我自己用看的比较明白,
明白了就很难忘记,
真的.
很难忘记,
所以很少复习.
一些就算明白,
但是比较难记的就考试前几天读好了.
很简单,不是吗?

读书真的很爽,只要不是为了考试而读.
不要给自己压力,
考试到了难免有压力,这样我也没办法.

我啊?
数理科比较强吧?
至少Add maths 老师叫了几次我就很难忘.
很难忘.
难以忘记 (:
不是我故意的,可是真的很难忘.
所以很少复习,只有考试前两三天做练习这样而已,

我说了,我真的没有秘诀.
真的,
科学还是要明白,真的,

白米白又白, 
读书要明白, 
如果不明白,
就去问李白, 
李白不明白, 
白米就不白.

小学的金玉良言,记得吗?
我记得,可能你们现在觉得很幼稚,
可是我却把这个当成一回事!

读书当然要明白了,明白了才有办法记稳,
才容易难忘.
如果不明白,就应该该去问老师,
问到老师烦死才好,最重要是能够明白,
反正老师拿了薪水就是得叫我们的,不问白不问.
老师不明白了,你就完蛋了!

真的,挺有意思,不是吗?

呵呵,生活不是用来读书的,
还有很多有意义的事情,
参加学记就很有意思了.
德廷他问我不觉得去会议很浪费时间吗?
我觉得很好笑,好气又好笑.

生活啊,除了读书还有很多.
生活很短暂,不要老是读书.
像我一样,开心去那里就去哪里.
我喜欢去开会,时间的确是浪费了,
可是我开心,那种开心很难忘.
开心就好,人生有多长呢?

我的中四生涯很美丽,你的呢?
我的成绩很美丽,
我今年去了8 ,9 次营破了纪录,也很美丽,
我的课外活动成绩很美丽,
我的人缘和人际关系很美丽,
我知道我长大以后要读心理学,有目标了,很美丽,
我认识的人多了,这更加美丽,
我看的书多了,今年买了几十本新书,很美丽,
我今年最近距离看见林俊杰了,最美丽的一刻.

我真的很珍惜今年,我的成长,我的一切辉煌成绩.

嗨,谁说考第一名就一定要是一个书呆子呢?
谁说第一名就不可以疯狂开朗地生活,创造不可能呢?
谁说第一名要坐在课室里读书,不可以常常往外跑呢?

嘿,加油,hooray!
himnae (:

love,
yuhan 2010(:

节目组,对不起.

2010-10-02T07:50:00.000-07:00

还有柯建宇,对不起.

damn, I don't know what to write but I feel like writing something.
I know I must do this.
and hey,I hope the decision I'd made is not going wrong.
damn, had a hard time deciding where to do tomorrow.
It's so hard to breathe, in such a dilemma.
tell me it's alright to choose so.
I'm so sorry to you guys, and the most ridiculous thing is that I don't know why on Earth I made this decision.
and I don't know why I create this post just to apologize.Yes, just to make me feel better.
damn, the third time damn-ing in this bloody post.
I guess I must stop this now.

节目组,
We are all placed on earth to leave imprints on each others' lives.
You guys meant too much to me.
I don't know why I'm explaining on my absence tomorrow,
I just feel like hey, it's my fault anyway to break the promise.
I've made to our seniors 学哥学姐.
and you guys.
I feel like I'm irresponsible enough ):
to make this stupid decision.
okay it's somehow stupid, I'll tell you the reason now.

Life is about creating something out of nothing,
stick to it and keep working on it.

所以呢?
对不起呀.
我真的不晓得应该说什么.
我也很想去开会, 顺便可以帮爸爸做工.

我分析了好久好久.
很辛苦呢...

去开会(advantages I'll get)
1. 很爽,纯粹是心理很爽.
2. 可以跟建宇讨论完东西, 少了一个烦恼, 也很爽.
3. 可以帮爸爸看 5楼新开张的店, 更爽. ( 看3楼或者4楼的店也可以) 有钱赚.
4. 可以吃麦当劳, 不错爽.
5. 可以跟学记们讲话, 非常爽.

去 ASEAN REGIONAL UNION OF PSYCHOLOGICAL SOCIETIES CONFERENCE.
ARUPS Congress.
我故意写长长的，光听名字就很厉害．
呵呵．
１．一年一次，这一次在吉隆坡，下次就不懂在那里了！（明年在菲律宾，不可能要我飞过去吧）
２．认识好多好多心理学家．
３．有一个帅哥在我上巴士的时候说：See you tomorrow ya!
4.　可以拿一些经验．
５．最后一次可以看见驾 WRV 3101 的摄影帅哥．
６．下巴士的时候，巴士里的大人们跟我讲：See you tomorrow! 我很舍不得．
７．全场研讨会我最小，才１６岁，很爽，大人们都用＂你这么小怎么会出现在这里＂的眼光看我，真的很爽．
８．刚刚还一个澳洲大学来的心理学教授绊倒，明天应该跟他道歉！

我还是想去学记多一点，

只是，
种种迹象，种种原因，
对不起了。

awww,it rains when I think of you.

2010-09-25T18:29:00.000-07:00

and hey, I want this so badly )*:
look so cool right?

okay and I don't really know what on Earth i was doing these days.
not feeling like studying.
I love to lay on my bed and read novels.
until the lines put me into bed.

awww,and how nice it would be if everyday of my life is something like this.
kind of impossible right?
Oh yes i know,
so just forget it.

you know what?
I love it to look deep inside your eyes.
they are so meaningful,
and yet so peaceful.
guess what?

I always know it's you when I saw part of you.
how good it would be if everything on Earth happens as I wish.

I want to put you beside me.

and live in a place where nobody lies around.
only both of us.

and;
please don't tell me this ):

I know it myself.
ah,so why don't I just get rid of it instead of ruining my life?

you know,that's not as easy as you think to get rid of someone.
like anything else.
i think i need more time,just to persuade myself he's not that good,
like what i used to think.

i don't really know what is the best way to xpress my feelings.
that's why I would always hurt someone but I was totally unaware of it.
yes,I'm that dumb.
so please do forgive me if i did something not really sense right to you guys.
you know,I don't meant it.

and oh yes,I'm telling myself repeatedly that,
I GONNA PLAN A NEW TIMETABLE to do my revision.
only a month left dude (:

寂寞的人并不孤独，
他毕竟还有朋友，
只是把自己的世界封闭起来罢了，
孤独的人一定很寂寞，
因为，
朋友也没有的日子，
一定很空虚渺茫。

像是一条旷阔的大路，
路上却没有朋友，
你的心里，
是如此寂寞的吗？
我是，我有好多朋友，
可是有些时候，
路还是得一个人走，
才走得风光，我是这么觉得的。
你呢？
你的路上有人的踪迹吗？

I love it when it rains.
i know you don't.
c'mon.
let it be.
as hard as i could.
so what's wrong if you don't understand my lines.

hey,
I love my day (:

What we do...

2010-09-25T18:27:00.001-07:00

Mid-Autumn Festival 2010…
Festive seasons in Asia calls for reunion. We get busy onstage cos we have to entertain, bring colour and life through performance.
This is what we do, we feed on the music, the lights spur us on… we get on stage, deliver the show, regroup to celebrate,
pack and move on to the next…

I love Moon Cakes…

weapons of warfare…

Elva Hsiao.

We are family… with the finest divas of the Taiwan music scene. Happy Moon Cake Festival!

2010-09-12T00:26:00.000-07:00

只能远远望著你 日子一天天过去  
你的呼吸你的笑容 仍然牵动著我  
让我忍不住流泪 你带著微笑不懂我有多心痛  
愚蠢的我 孩子气的我 你是否愿意回头看一眼  
我知道这种奢望 对你不具任何意义  
好希望你所爱的人是我 许许多多的日子 我不断在祈祷  
像翠绿的树 无言的星光 是否知道我始终望著你  
你一定会假装不懂我的心 等待比被遗忘更容易  
对此我有心痛的领悟  
好希望你所爱的人是我 许许多多的日子 我不断在祈祷  
像翠绿的树 无言的星光 是否知道我始终望著你  
想要问你过得好不好 你身边的他对你好不好  
愚蠢的挂念也没有意义 但是好想收起泪水对你说： 「我爱你」

一个星期过了，
也体会了许多。
你不会知道。
学记成长营，
我真的真的成长了许多。

I don't really know did you guys learn something from the camp.
but in fact i did.
LEARN ALOT.
我学到了真心，
也学到了珍惜。
珍惜和学哥学姐在一起的时光，
毕竟真的不久了。
我想说的不多，
从来没有后悔过进入学记队。
很难说出来，
只有亲身体验过的时候才会明白。
大家，
都明白，
不是吗？
志森学哥，珈杏学姐，
谢谢你们的一切。
总之就是谢谢，
你们给我的关心也好，鼓励也好，
我爱你们。
还有其他的学哥学姐，
谢谢你们，
你们真的很出色 。
一直以来都是。
你们真的好棒。


学记队，
很多年以后，
我想起你们的时候，
都会很快乐。

2010-09-04T04:36:00.000-07:00

I miss the moments and days where we stayed back late until 4.30pm.
seriously.

I want to sleep when I could stay back.
but now? I miss those days staying back.

From January to March,
PBSM SQUAD KAWAD.

and there my hectic life starts.kept replacing my tuition classes when there's activities in the weekend.

what?
XUE JI.

PBC
PBSM

and everything.
I really enjoy this kind of life.
You?
hiding in your little cove and doing useless things?

ah (:
DREAM OUT LOUD.人老了，就会死。
人死了，就会离开。
人离开了，其他人就会忘记。
人，就是这样渺小。

无奈。

2010-09-02T01:56:00.000-07:00

多的是，你不知道的事...
你不知道我为什么离开你,
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨.

多的是,你不知道的是.

有时候会觉得自己突然长大了许多.
像当你取代我生命那一秒的空白.

其实有没有想过为什么我们会存在在这个世界上.
是应该值得去思考的.

去思考,
然后去烦恼.

我一直在等待,
下一刻和你相遇的场景.

会在哪里呢?

我也好想知道,
其实呀,没有所谓的缘分巧合或者偶然.

你相信吗?
一切都是在冥冥之中安排好的.
其实每个答案在问题形成之前,就已经成形了.
难道不是吗?

我最近好累,
常常想睡觉.

你呢?
我突然觉得世界好美丽.
噢不,
世界从来就这么美丽..

我在想,
哪一天我长大了,毕业了,
我会不会怀念每天早上从校门口走进食堂的那段路程.
我想我会的.

你呢?
你呢?
你会记得什么?
我会记得我曾经爱过.
爱得那么刻骨铭心,
虽然从来没有真真切切地爱一遍,
可是我会记得的.

你呢?
有没有那么一段记忆是抹不掉的?

每个人都有,
甜蜜的,伤悲的.
是看你如何去对待这段回忆而已.

我的回忆?
学校,朋友,纠纷,学业,华文学会,学记.

"飞"字有一双翅膀,在右边,在成长.
我也有我的梦想,在翱翔.

5.10 (:

2010-09-01T06:13:00.000-07:00

holy cow, I miss you that much more than I could imagine.
hey, I've fallen so deep until I don't even know where I am.

and holy goat,
I accidentally volunteered myself to do public speaking during the assembly.
FAK.
and okay,what I'm going to do next is just read out what I've got from Sheau Li (:
I don even care.
Cursed so many times today at school.
but cursing no cure (:
so I'll breathe in more courage and hah,
I will face that bravely and do whatever I could.
at least you don't even dare to stand up in front of the crowd.
so what's the matter for me to maybe embarrass myself in front of others (:
hah.
hopefully that won't be happening.
no that won't (:

hmm.
and sensed something these days.
It's okay since it's you guys' lost, not mine.
NOT BLOODY MINE (:
I have so many friends other than you guys (:
hmmmph.

oh ):
feel so sorry for the xue ji jie mu crew ):
seemed like I've not been really into the process after all.
haih.

?

and It really inspires me from 2 Corinthians 12:10 –
For when I am weak, then I am strong.

hah (:
so I guess I must be strong enough like the tree beside me (:

anything,
it doesn't really matter.

oh, and yes.
everytime I want to put an elegant full-stop to this bloody status.
I feel uneasy.
I remember my promise to forget you and let you go.
but hah, it's s long way to go i guess.

Dear Jesus,
please do present me a better tomorrow.
But i would accept it if tomorrow's going to be a really bad day,
when you bring some joy and peace to the poor ones all over the world.

thank God,for I know you would always practise that.
A-men.

Good Night.
It's okay not having a sweet dream.
Just wish you a safe and sound night (:

2010-08-30T02:33:00.000-07:00

hey,and I promise I will forget all about you.
from today onwards, let it be.
thank God.
I want everything to be going on their smooth way.
hey,
I meant it, I want to forget about you and all memories I had with you.
for goodness.
anything,
you aren't what i want.
hey,
i meant it.
gonna forget you.
cause when you're THIRTEEN and someone told they love you,
you are going to believe them.

and i am not going to be that naive anymore.
just in anyway.
hey.
i meant it.
but somehow you look like JJ.
perhaps it's the ONLY acceptable reason I'd fallen so deep into this bloody hole.
of what you call puppy love

yea,exactly.
and I'll forget it.
hah.
a new day.
going to start.

hopefully it isn't that hard to forget someone.
or just stop thinking of someone.
heh.

oh and holy cow only get 84 for bloody BM ):

and was supposed to get 99 for biology ):
but only got 97 DDDDDD:

haih.
what i wanna say is just that.
go away.
live my own life without you (:

2010-08-28T04:53:00.000-07:00

hey,long time didn't manage to update my blog already (:
maybe not suppose to use the term "manage",
i didn't have the mood to update.
but in fact today i have.maybe i shall just randomly write about this week (: okay?
oh i am not in the bloody condition to do bloody account projects (:

ahhhh,okay i want to start with today (:okay I use chinese hah!

在一个风和日丽的星期六早上...
okay ignore this line (:
this is what we used to write in primary school essay (:我又遇见了他.
那个不知道为什么让我心动不已的男孩.
在报到处分了组,觉得很无奈,怎么都跟朋友们分开了呢?噢不,我在意的不是这个,
男孩告诉过我他只是做一个小小的组长.
组长?
辅导员吗？
我马上翻开到手的小册子，小册子设计很精致，
真的很用心去做，真得看得出来，
不晓得我们成长营的出版组做不做得一样水准来 (:
OMG i am being so sarcastic (:

噢，
翻开筹委与工委名单那一页，
啊！男孩是辅导员呢！
转身看见珈杏学姐，
她说她是辅导员，木柴组的。
我一看，想了想，哦，
原来辅导员排列次序是跟着组别的！
我看了看，我是胡椒粉！

带着那颗颤抖不已，不安分的心，
我往下数！
啊！
照这样数男孩在我的隔壁组当辅导员！
啊！
怎么可以这样？！就差那么一点点，我就可以进男孩的组了！
我真的难过死了，

知道吗？
男孩，
我比想象中还要喜欢你。
我真的真的真的很想很想很想你，男孩。

我慌慌张张地找人换组，
男孩，你知道我多么焦急吗？
我想跟你在一起呢！

你呢？
我想听你说，你也是。
男孩。
怎么办呢？
我越来越无药可救了.
男孩呀! )=

然后呢?
我也忘记了,
就混混谔谔地走来走去,
就是找不到人呢!
再然后呢?

然后,
珈杏学姐就把我推到胡椒粉组那一圈!
那一圈!
我看见了男孩,
我的心,

震得不能自己!!!!

男孩,正坐在那里和其他组员互动.
珈杏学姐要男孩好好照顾我,
我真的很惊讶,
那种感觉就像是,

啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊!

非笔墨能形容的"啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊..."

男孩抬起头来看见是我,
缅碘地笑了笑.
笑得,

有点不自然...

我愣了一下.
笑了笑,坐在男孩的斜对面,
我多么想坐在男孩的身边.
多好,
仅仅的幻想也很好.
幻想世界真美好,你永远是胜利者.

男孩,
我好喜欢你!

真的 (=

男孩带领得有点不自然,
一开始要我们自我介绍,
其他组员们都很害羞,
说话小小声,
典型的内向孩子 (:

轮到我了,
有一点好笑,
当他要求我自我介绍的时候,

"好,语涵到你自我介绍."

其它组员傻傻地看着我们,
噢,他们说,认识的.

我喜欢那种感觉,
就像别人知道我们认识很久了那种感觉,
很奇怪,
但却很微妙.

我好喜欢你,
男孩,
我也想知道,
男孩,
这是我今天第几次这么说了.

然后男孩说他只是暂时代替其他人做辅导员,我快哭了.
不是哭啦,我那里可能哭呢?
我只是难过得要命,男孩呀!

男孩,他然后自我介绍,大家好,我是你们胡椒粉组的辅导员.
男孩微笑.
啊?

我又是惊愕一阵,缓缓地翻开小册子,
啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊!
我算错了!

他是啊啊啊,我那组的辅导员哪!

天晓得我有多开心,
我揪着男孩看,
男孩没有看见我,
可是我还是很开心.
男孩呀,我好喜欢你呢`.`

我该怎么办?
男孩呀...

然后就开始了陆战,
我依稀知道一些活动是男孩亲手策划的,
我看见了男孩眼睛里不时的焦虑.
我都看见了.
担心节目做得不好吧?
节目组,
啊!成长营节目组!

糟糕,真糟糕,
唉.....
男孩带着我们跑站,玩,跳,笑,叫,闹.
男孩很喜欢说冷笑话.唉.

我喜欢看着男孩的背影.
我喜欢看男孩着急的样子.
我喜欢看男孩的眼睛.
我尤其喜欢男孩跟我说话时的眼睛,
希望这一切都不是幻觉,美丽虚假的幻觉.

不,男孩真的有跟我说话.
这不是幻觉呢.
我记得我骄傲地告诉男孩都是因为我所以我们组才这么厉害,
男孩笑了笑,说我变自恋了.

我有难过了,
男孩呀,我们之间隔着多远的距离呢?
明明看见彼此,可是我们之间的距离那么宽,那么深...
唉...
就像一道无形的玻璃墙,足足有五六寸那么厚.
我明明看得见你,
你明明看得见我.
可是居然那么远,
远得那么不可理喻.
男孩,怎么办?
不要不在意好吗?

那时候玩水战,
你推我去玩剪刀石头布,
我挣扎着要逃走.
你按着我的双肩,硬是把我推到前面去,
男孩,你知道吗?
那一霎那,我多想要时间沙漏停止泻流.
定格在那一瞬间.
男孩,我是真的这么想的.

然后我输了,
我很庆幸我并不是赢得那个,
你知道吗?
我又挣扎着想要逃走.
我转身掩脸,想要跑.
一转身却撞上了你,
你按着我的肩膀不让我走.
如果场景不一样,
那该有多么浪漫哪!

我们面向着彼此,就只有你的一臂之遥.
我还在挣扎着往前冲,你却不让.
你以为我想逃跑,
可是你不知道.
我其实是想更靠近你,
我想躲进你的怀里.
男孩,你不知道.
你终究不知道.
那一刻,我终于有了一种"我们很靠近"的感觉.
你抓着我的肩膀,
水拼命地泼过来,
两个人都湿透了.
那种感觉很心安.

然后你把我转过来,
我还是拼命地往后退,
想靠进你的怀里.
结果还是一样,
两个人都被泼水.

我希望时间定格在那一刹那.
如果现实生活想电影一般美好那该有多好.
男孩,是吗?

男孩,我该怎么办?
你就像是罂栗,我明知道你有毒性却不可以自己地陷入情感沼泽地里.

男孩,我该怎么办?

J-C+

2010-08-07T05:54:00.000-07:00

I am meant for everyone in this world. to serve.

I feel so empty.
that kind of indescribable emptiness.
I feel so dizzy.
and the pain I had used to suffer from, I can't bear it anymore.
hey.
I think of you so frequently that I had a very strong urge to chop off my head.

but i bet you will never know.
It hurts so much, and the way it hurts is simply so annoying.
you were not here this morning.and yes in fact your friends too.
I should have been kindly informed that you guys are having replacement for deepavali today.
I guess there must be a test.

I had known him long time ago,but it was only awhile before he had introduced himself to me .
oh i mean we had introduced ourselves to each other.
not really a short while.
a 4-year period.

kind of long time.
也许只是一种习惯，习惯到根本不能习惯没有想你的日子.

look into my eyes.
You should have known it well that there's always some shattering shadow of yours.
what about yours?

oh,so who cares?
umm, everyone's meant to live for their reason and goal.
so what about me?you gave me the strength to dream out loud.
With and only with your presence I can smile happily.

my life's meant for academic and socialism.
yours?

once in awhile I was too strong,too strong in every particular aspects,
and it's only awhile before for me to find out it's not really good for a girl to be too strong.

but i have to be strong.
live out loud.i love my life.
love yours too (:

I love the rainbows today (:
just like how i love you.

2010-08-04T05:28:00.000-07:00

hey, my name is Yu Han.
你不会是我的另一个天堂 (:
我告诉自己,死心吧.

but what to do tell me please if you know.
I just can't stop myself thinking of you, like how often I think of JJ.
kind of weird,but so what?

~~JGNFENJIONGOHCFEF~~, ah lalala ):

2010-08-02T00:42:00.000-07:00

I just don't know how exactly to describe this feeling.
I want him deep from my heart core.
nothing of him is better then others'
he's so so ordinary that one won't keep an eye on him.
but i did.
God knows how much it hurts ):
seriously miss him so so much.
the way it hurts is terrible.
undefined.
ahlalala

how and who am i going to tell this to?

received the Anugerah Pengetua today.
the first time I get Anugerah Emas I was so freaking happy (:
I can only say that (:
the first people in the line of the smarties (:
i feel great.

but kind of loss,
I keep an eye searching for you, knowing that you're simply impossible to be here.
I just want to share the happiness and joy with you and yes ONLY you ):

yet you're not here.
Perhaps you're sitting impatiently in your school's assembly ground and busily chit-chatting qith your gang hah!

tell me you care.

I dont have the courage to forget you ):
i dont want to forget you.

ahaaaaaaaaaaaa ):
oh pang cheng is flying to Russia for medicine!
a senior of mine 2 years elder than me.
i still remember the first time we met.
begging him to solve an add maths question for me ):
i wasn't familiar to form 4 block that time.
it was my first time to there.
and the impression he gave me was?

mathematician-to-be

neh, wish him good luck (:
had a nice long chat with seniors yesterday jun jie and pang cheng.
crazy birds flock together.

eh.ah.oh.

must study soon to ensure the safety of my place ^_____________________^

2010-07-28T05:09:00.000-07:00

FAK

POM!

2010-07-25T05:38:00.000-07:00

feel really awesome today.
for no reason, perhaps with reason but it's undefined.
had a hectic but extremely hilarious day with the ASTRO crew at Sin Chew.
It was totally awesome.
nothing else that may fit exactly my feeling at that particular moment.
oh the Edmond guy who gave us the WooHoo souvenir was so adorable (:
he wears black,with black-framed glassed like what stars used to wear.
he looks pretty talented.
I don't know why he just look talented okay?
oh yea I found him in the WooHoo official page but he looks not really nice in that photo ):
nenenibubu.
can't imagine I just sang.
oh peeps,in ASTRO soon.
god knows how I had performed.
I love today,
I love everyday because I just simply love this adorable world (:

2010-07-21T06:49:00.000-07:00

You sucks to the max.

Oh I mean it seriously, from the deepest of my heart core (:

Yea it’s you, do not hesitate,

It’s you who’re looking at my words then.

You sucks.

Friendship doesn’t meant anything to you,

I wonder what friendship had taught you.

To be revengeful or else what?

Heh,

You sucks.

But I can understand your feeling.

Oh anyway she’s just telling the truth in her turn.

You are weak and useless.

A harmless creature to me.

To anyone in this creepy world.

Heh,I don’t really know why but I feel like punching you on your face everytime I look into your eyes.

Didn’t expect the strong urge before.

Seriously.

You sucks.

Thank you.

2010-07-18T04:43:00.001-07:00

that feeling sucks.
seriously.
ah
it's tomorrow!

2010-07-16T07:09:00.001-07:00

Things changed. People change.
In fact we had changed alot too.
she's getting further away from me.
I don't know why but when I realised it, it was late.
not too late i guess?
Oh c'mon i'm just trying my best to protect myself.
I hope you may treat me as you treat others.
Oh c'mon.
I'm your friend.
I wonder if ever I disappear from this world will you notice my absence.
will you?

heh,you will perhaps.
but so what?

anything.
feeling lost
seriously lost.

good night.
I want a sweet dream.
thank you.

2010-07-14T06:26:00.000-07:00

uh.it's tomorrow.
it freaks me.
so what shall i say then.
fuck.
or oh my god.
my nightmare was back
yesterday early in the morning I saw that shining figure.
It was still early in the morning.
The sun wasn't awake yet.
everything was still and calm.
there that thing was standing right in front of me.
FUCK.

I must study hard every single moment from now onwards.
can I?
control my impulses and delay my gratification.
never.

gahhh.
I hate you.
tell me how to wash you away from my memory.
there's no any delete button c'mon.

not feeling easy at school.
everything's going so so so wrong.
friends.
everything.
i am not as fragile as you think.
but not as tough as you think too.
please do handle me with care.
I just dont want to break down in front of you again.'
get me?
uh.
I really need someone to talk with.

i need a talk.
I want to tell him or her everything I feel I see I know.
he need not to speak.
just listen to me.
and smile.

oh dear,
it's tomorrow! again.
if it's going to be a bad one,
please do not hesitate to wake me up.
comfort me,telling me it's okay.

it will never happen.again.
tell me now.
you won't
am i right?
the message inbox will never appear as your name on top.
oh dear.

I want to sleep.
wake me up.
tell me I am still breathing.

The beggars.

2010-07-11T04:24:00.000-07:00

I dont really know my feeling at that moment.
I feel lost.
took a bus from Sin Chew to Central Market.
I dont feel like wasting my money I think it's worth.
It really worth.

我说过要写一篇散文。

TITLE ：巴士很慢

巴士很慢。
慢慢地走，就像它慢慢地来。
远远就看见那辆12号巴士了，
白色蓝色相辉映，很慢。
我歪着头看着那辆走得很慢的巴士。
心生无奈，
没关系，我有的是时间。
巴士停在我脸前。
我昂起头毫不思索地踏上梯级。
一步一步。

巴士里有一种让人精神一振的气息。
冷冷的。
巴士有冷气。
我上车，巴士很空。

巴士真的很空。
寥寥无几的乘客抬起头看了看，又低下头，有些别过头。
巴士后端传来一把爽朗的声音。
明亮，待有些中国腔。

一个年过半百，甚至超过的老妇徒步朝我走来。
她手中紧握的车票告诉我她是售票员。
我不慌不急地坐下，把文件夹放在隔壁。
从包里掏了张五块钱给她。

她看了我一眼，问：

“下坡啊？”

我礼貌地微笑点点头。
这是我的习惯。
看见陌生人，
尤其是那些让我有好感，有些同情的长辈们，
我都会很想对他们好，
让他们觉得自己被尊重。
只是一个小动作，他们会很欣慰。我想。

她撕了一张红色的票根递给我。
我又笑。
老妇瞟了我一眼，接着问：

“怎么只有你一个？”

我一愣，“啊？”

“他们几点走啊？”

我明白了，她是在问我其他学记。

“他们哪？五点才走啊!"

老妇微皱眉头，

"谁载到他们就好咯!"

语气里似乎有些不快，“啊？”

“越多人我们就赚越多钱哪！”

原来是这样，我不由来的叹息。
很奇怪，我就是这样伤感的人。
我一直以来都以为这些售票员有固定的收入，
原来是这样啊！

我没由来的嘲笑自己的无知。
一边向上帝乞求让很多乘客上这辆巴士。
很奇怪，我就是这样的一个人。

上车的多数是外劳。
其中一个外劳下车时，把揉成一团的票根丢向老妇。
那一霎那我想朝他吐口水。
他以为他是谁。
说不定还是非法来的。
该死的人渣。
我还是莫名其妙地愤怒起来。

人渣败类。
该死的。

老妇喃喃地碎碎念。
我同情她。
那一刻我突然想拥抱她。

我想起了外婆，
她曾经在工厂打杂工赚零用，
不是孩子们不养她，
是她呆在家里闷慌向找工做。
在我看不见的地方，
是不是也有人这样对外婆。
如果有，
如果让我看见
我会失去理智地抓着那个贱人打，
真的。
我会不受控制去推他，踢他，吼他。
那种想杀人的怒意。
我会踢他踢到我爽。

巴士还是很慢。
每停一站都有乘客上来，
忽然我明白了，
司机不是在省车油。
他是在等乘客。
巴士好久好久才来一辆，
他不需要跟其他司机抢生意，
这条路这个时段的乘客都是他的。
巴士很慢，
更多的乘客会陆陆续续在下一个巴士站等。
他会有更多的生意。

是这样吗。
那种莫名其妙的伤感让我很难受。
果然，
上了大路巴士开快很多了。

到了CM，我想下车之前跟老妇笑一笑，说声谢谢什么的，她也下车了，

我茫然地看着老人离去的背影。
她好瘦。
希望她和我外婆一样，
只是打散工打发时间。

如果靠那仅仅的薪金来糊口，
我会很难过。

我记得老妇爽朗的声音。那是我听过最好听最厚实的声音。
我记得老人生疏的马来话。那是她招呼客人上车的声音。
sini sini
naik naik
manyak tempat belakang sana
ahh pergi belakong ohhh.
ahhh betul.
pergi mana...

世界有太多悲剧太多伤心了。
我希望所有不幸的，悲惨的人与事物逐日减少。

我希望那个老妇明天会有很多客人。
我希望她开心。
我希望她常常笑。

今晚我会失眠。

X=lost

2010-07-10T17:33:00.000-07:00

off to xue ji meeting in one and half hours time
feeling so so so lost
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO XIAO HUI I LOVE YOU (:
jia you to Amanda this is your last day (:

2010-07-09T06:46:00.000-07:00

had a hectic day
came home
three unread messages in my inbox
one from Amanda Leong
one from yan chun
another one unknown number.
and i guess it must be from sheau li
she says fuck.

from Amanda,
she wants 5 tickets for IU day.
i haven't tell her the fact that tickets were almost sold out.
i wonder why on Earth she is so so desperate to go.
she says,
I want!
I need!
I must have them!

and I have one extra ticket with me.
so decide to sell that to her.
where am i going to look for another 4 ):
asked Yuka in the morning she said okay.
perhaps it must be okay.

a simple word can make one feel happy.
the same when a simple word can hurt a person.

my simple "jia you" to Amanda makes her feel happy, I know (:
I am not that supportive to her LOL but as a friend it's a simple act to wish her.
for her cheerleading competition tomorrow.
and the day after tomorrow.

I dont know what exactly that's about.
but i guess it requires alot of teamwork hah!
just like what we had have in pbsm squad kawad.
but now i cant feel the spirit and the passion.
because I'm not in the situation.

JIA YOU again. from my deep heart core.
everyone desires for success.
you and me.
feel nice when i found alot of similarities between us.

we strive for cocuricular marks.
in fact we did.
but you get the result.
i only get some of what I'd worked out these years.

and i still remember what we used to do in the toilet (:
LOL
she says she loves me.
I love her too.

I love all my friends.
it's indescribable to get to know my friends.
I think so.
and I'll continue to think so.
I'll look out for more valuable friends and leave those darn ones behind.

back to the topic.
from yan chun,
he asked me to accompany him to take bus from Central Market to Sin Chew office.
LOL
I said no transport.
he said lets take LRT to CM.
It's a kinda fun activity for him to use different transportation at once.
he said it's exciting.
I still remember.
He is my friend (:
but i ignored him and replied that will be going with xin yen's car (:
dude next time okey?
I promise (:
I do as I promised.

the last one i guess it's from sheau li
she says fuck
for the pbsm kawad competition thingy.
i know she's kinda unhappy.
but what to do,
this is our fate.
yes i believe we can change our fate.
I used to believe so.
and i'll continue believing so (:

sometimes it's better not to change our fate.
think positively
it may be a good chance wehhh (:
who knows.

perform better dude,
command better than his lame one.
build confidence in yourself.
i know you have.
but strengthen the confidence in you,
you can do it.
(:
you can.
for I'll always be there for you whenever you need me.
whenever you need my help.
i promise again (:
I love you my friend (:

you are the one who share laughter with me.
you are the one who patiently listen to my cries and pain.
thank you (:
i love you.
I will help you.
just promise not to cry as i use to.
no point to be a stupid crying baby (:

just made a list.
not a wish list, just a simple list.

going tuition tomorrow early morning ):
oh i hate tuition!
and then off to jie mu meeting at CM.
don't really feel a sense of belonging to XUE JI,
don't ask why.
it's kinda weird.
what to do nahhhh!
bye.
I LOVE MY FAMILY AND ALL MY FRIENDS.
ALL I KNOW AND ALL I DONT KNOW.
i love the Earth.
thank you for bringing me the life.
I love the God.
thank you for giving me such a nice environment to grow up.

thank you.
I love you.

X=interview

2010-07-06T07:02:00.000-07:00

feel like cursing her at the moment i stepped out of the class
what is her freaking problem

i know it must be her
nobody will ever be so annoying to do that stupid thing

curse her]

omg so desperate to know what had happened to that freaking girl!
i hope she did cry!

2010-07-04T01:54:00.000-07:00

你输了。
输得彻彻底底。
昨天开到CENTRAL MARKET 开节目组会议，
出去买午餐的时候居然给我看见你，
和家人走在一起。
我觉得很巧合，
有不想过去打招呼，
就这样远远的看着你，
你娇滴滴的脸上挂着难以自解的落魄和疲惫。
你累了吗？

好久不见，
我想如果你看见我的话，
我会这么说。
你很笨，
我会在心里这么说。

都说了她对你不是真心的。
你不相信，
还恶言相对，
你会输得一塌糊涂，
那时候我诅咒你。

结果到底你还是输了。
很惨，但是不值得同情。
从你的朋友那边听说你已经没有朋友了，
就连仅剩的那个她也背弃你离去，
活该。

六年了，
你认识她倒不过两三年，
怎么那么容易听信她的谗言，
你好笨，
有时候我会心疼你的无知。
真的。

我真真切切地希望你看得见这段文字。
因为我想让你知道，
朋友终究是朋友。
真的。

我记得那时候你抱着我说，
毕业后常联络，
我们是好朋友，
现在是，
以后一直一直都会是。

我忘记了那时候你说了多少个一直一直，
现在我还是想对你说，
我们一直一直在你身后，
你回头，
就看得见我们了。

这个星期天，
我希望见到你。
他们都很欢迎你。
我们都很欢迎你。
多给我们一些信任，
我们是你最诚恳的朋友，
一直以来都是。
如果不信任，
我们六年的感情连六十仙的面包都不如。

我希望见到你，
跟你说生日快乐。
我希望见到你，
跟你说好久不见。
跟你说你还是很漂亮。

想念很痛苦。
我想着那个该死的男孩。

2010-07-03T18:18:00.000-07:00

i miss you,seriously.
planning to text you on monday.
and don't know why on earth i am doing that.

X=X

2010-07-02T06:25:00.000-07:00

我想回到从前。
至少那时候我们很熟络。
我还是很喜欢你呀。
很笨。

我想跟你说话。
我只是想跟你说话。
哪怕是一分钟的时间。
请不要跟我说嗨，拜拜，谢谢之类的。
请你跟我说话好吗.
请你在我身边陪着我那么一下子好吗。

我想你。

我希望你输得一塌糊涂。
是你。
如果你还有看我的部落格的习惯的话。
是你。
不要怀疑。
不要犹豫。
是你。
可怜连仅剩最亲密的朋友也在你背后说你的不是。

到底你还是你。
那个我从来看不清楚的你。
恐怕骨子里比我还要可怕。
披着羊皮的狼。
娇滴滴。

你输了。

2010-06-30T00:39:00.000-07:00

I want you

2010-06-29T06:25:00.000-07:00

我想找个人说话，
那个人不在。

不要说话，
请你安静地听我说话。

X=5

2010-06-23T05:51:00.000-07:00

I want to write something.
想说很多东西，
很想说我还在想你，
不受控制不由自主地在想你。
想得好累。
我还是一如往常地打听你的消息，
哪怕是让人心碎的，
至少还有一些关于你的事迹，
被伤害的彷徨总好受过完全失去的空虚。

我在想你。
想了很久。
你不知道。
我还在想。
会不会有那么一天，
你回头，
看见我在原地对你微笑。

我不想理会，
可是天晓得我为什么会那样在乎你。
我看见你，
我想过要恨你。

可是我恨不出感觉来。

现在的我们是两条平行线，
再也没有交集，没有交叉点。

更像是tangent.
一生就只能有一次的缘分，
短暂的认识见面，
拖泥带水的暧昧，
然后匆匆地离开我的生活圈子，
那一条线毫不留情地从我的身边擦肩而过。

我想潇洒地忘记你。

X=学记全国营=

2010-06-19T00:46:00.000-07:00

and I must write something when it's still clearly mapped in my mind.

进营，有一种说不出口的感觉。

不激动，也不特别兴奋，看见一群蓝衣的学记团走在我们前面，才有种莫名的兴奋，加快了脚步想看看他们，一路上看见自己的学哥学姐，感觉很熟悉，感觉特别温馨。

是那种很多人在你身边让你跌倒也不怕的温馨。

进到大厅，冷气迎面吹来，精神多了。学哥学姐们走上走下，好像很忙。他们是真的很忙。我忘记了是哪一位学哥，让我们插队报到，好像有一种特别待遇的感觉。看见了更多学哥学姐的学哥学姐，拿到营衣的那一刹那，我才愕然发现，全国营开始了。我不晓得这会是个怎样的全国营，我当下只知道，我这一生只有一次成为全国营营员的机会，我要玩，我要尽兴，我要疯。
全国营，是我的第一次，也是最后一次。

第一天除了对站游戏和烧烤会，也没有别的好说的了。
印象最深刻的，莫过于用拖鞋丢水瓶的那一站。
站长说话太小声，声音沙哑，只依稀听见拖鞋丢得越靠近水瓶就赢了。
轮到我，也没抱着太大的希望，
因为玩这个游戏，我从来没丢中过。
结果我一击就中，
太兴奋，兴奋得得意忘形地跳起来尖叫，
学哥们和其他组员看着我愣在一旁，

“学妹，丢中了就要被罚两粒巧克力哦！”

我还记得铭升学哥对着我摇头叹息的表情，天晓得我有多蠢！

X=I see you=

2010-06-16T17:14:00.001-07:00

but you are simply unaware.

anyway going to xue ji national camp in an hour's time.
woahhhh and after this the holiday ends officially :(
I hate it so much when someone kept reminding me about this.

maybe it's the time I shall re-edit my rule book.
maybe I shall be someone like 夏沫.
but it's totally impossible.
everyone's different.

*CRAP HAVENT DONE MORAL TUGASAN HARIAN + KERJA AMAL + SIVIK PROJECT*

okay ignore it.
I cant understand why until now I am still visiting her blog.
she seems to let go everything.
and I am a fool.
who cares about everything she does.
..............................................................................................................................

everytime I heard the message alert I hope it's him.
but never again.
yesterday night it was yan chun,
reminding me to wait for xin yen at shell tomorrow.
so yeah we are rocking it all the way from S.M.

I wish to meet the bloody boy from Johor again.
He still owe me something (:
i know I'm going to meet him later.
I must.

gahhh still deciding whether I am the one to begin our conversation or not.
everytime it's me.
somehow it's tiring.
and maybe one day I will leave.
it alone.
but not now I am so stubborn huh?

waiting for him to ring my phone.
tell me please, he will, in these 3 days.

off to xue ji national camp.
ring it.
please.
tell me you care.

2010-06-13T21:36:00.000-07:00

again.
I miss you so.
much.
indescribable stupidity.
but you will never know how much I wish it's me.

2010-06-13T00:54:00.000-07:00

the 200th post i guess?
I browse through the photos of you once again.
and yes I saw the one I dont expect to see
and dont want to see.

but there it is.
a proof of my stupidity waiting all the way long.
that kind of loneliness
i feel it.
I am a failure.
you are far away.
maybe you are back already.
but i'll never be the first one to know huh.

now that you are gone.
boy you know i miss you so.
I didn't know you had to go.
you had enough distance between us.

you don't know how much it hurts.
and i'll promise you eternity,
if ever you promise me your stay.

somehow I feel I'm like a fool who's too sure.
asking where on earth is my innocent soul.

I'm no longer the one that I was.
I mean it.
I don't know how to be strong.
without you.

tell me, please. if you know.

today had a great maths lesson.
Sir told us to change our very own rule book.

so what's mine?

I think.
I am thinking.
I am still thinking.

I must go on without anyone huh.
I am a strong girl.
must I?

I only know I want you.

2010-06-12T06:15:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting right 225 degree from you.
it's so far yet so clamorous.

I'm still waiting.
you to say goodnight to me as usual.
but i know you will never.
but if ever you do,
perhaps i will smile tonight in my dream.
and meet JJ coincidencely when you wake me up the next morning.

because it's simply impossible.
But i'm waiting.
what a stupid girl.

2010-06-11T06:33:00.000-07:00

那个时候，女孩和男孩正处在恋爱的季节。每次打电话，两个人总要缠缠绵绵许久。
末了，总是女孩在一句极为不舍的“再见”中先收了线，男孩再慢慢感受空气中剩余的温
馨，还有那份难舍难分的淡淡情愁……
后来，两人分了手。女孩很快就有了新男友，帅气，豪爽。女孩感到很满足，也很
得意。后来，她渐渐感到，他们之间好像缺些什么，这份不安一直让她有种淡淡的失落。
是什么呢？她不明白。只是两人通话结束时，女孩总感觉自己的“再见”才说了一半，那
边“叭”的一声挂线。每当那时，她总感到刺耳的声音在空气中凝结成冰，划过自己的耳
膜。她仿佛感到，新男友像一只断线的风筝，自己那无力的手总也牵不稳那根无望的线。

终于有一天，女孩和他大吵了一架。男友很不耐烦的转身走了。女孩没有哭，似有
一种解脱的感觉。

一天，女孩又想起最初的男孩，心中涌起一份感动：那位听完她“再见“的傻男孩。这种
感动让她慢慢拿起电话。

男孩的声音依旧质朴，波澜不惊。女孩竟无语凝噎，慌忙中说了“再见”……

这回女孩没有收线，一股莫名的情绪让她静静聆听电话那端的沉寂。

不知过了多久，男孩的声音传了过来，你为什么不挂电话？

女孩的嗓音涩涩的，为什么要我先挂呢？

习惯了。男孩平静的说，我喜欢你先挂电话，这样我才放心。
可是后挂线的人总是有些遗憾和失落的。
女孩的声音有些颤抖。

所以我宁愿把这份失落留给自己，只要你开心就好。

女孩终于抑制不住哭了，滚烫的泪水浸湿了脑海中有关爱的记忆。她终于明白，没有
耐心听完她最后一句话的人，不是她一生的守望者。原来爱情有时候就这么简单，一个守
候，便能说明一切

2010-06-10T04:38:00.000-07:00

所谓“皇天不负有心人”（乱用俗语），终于给我等到我给演说的时候了。这次我说得非常快，原因只因为三个字------林俊杰。还记得那学妹名叫语涵，很喜欢林俊杰。由于JJ签唱会即将开始了，这学妹就一直希望我能快点讲完。当然，我是不会那么容易放人走的。我演说的时候，节奏时快时慢，搞得她想跳水的感觉（好怪的形容词）。我还特地讽刺：“由此刻起，我最不喜欢的偶像就是林俊杰，就因为语涵学妹，哈哈”当然，这句是开玩笑的，我个人是蛮喜欢林俊杰的演唱风格^^志森比我更够力（蕉赖区的协调员），向语涵学妹说，不用下楼看林俊杰，在她的90度便能看见另一个林俊杰（指他）。呵呵～这让学弟妹都呈现O字口形。

这学妹给我们弄得怪可怜的，心本善的我们就这样让她走了。

(: browse through this from zhao xian xue ge's blog.

that was our last meeting.
I am still.

2010-06-09T20:35:00.000-07:00

browsing through baby camp's photo.
most of them are random snaps.
I like them.

I miss them.

I love them.

一时感触很深，多么想大家永远在一起。
内心被某些力量用力揪着，酸酸的。
我想回去那些日子。
可是错过了，就永远追不回来了，难道不是吗？

我想念大家一起派食物，
很合作地我传给你，你传给他。

我很想念问那些小营员们吃得饱吗，
他们满足的眼神。

我更加想念大家都爱的那间小房间。
食堂那间冷气小房间，
大家有空就进来坐坐，聊天。
享受着冷气。
空气中的温馨飘散。

我实在想念所有的一切，一切。
我想念学哥学姐们。
我想念同届们。

可能这种感觉是暂时的。
可是现在真的好想念。

..............................................

泡沫之夏很好看。
去支持 (:

这些年来看的偶像剧不少，
唯二能让我怦然心动的就只有：

下一站，幸福。
泡沫之夏 (:

每当夕阳西沉的时候，我依然在这里盼望你，
天空又忽然下着雨，我依然等待你的归期。”－－外面的世界.

I LOVE you guys.
FROM my deep heart core.
BIG THANKS to all of you for making this baby camp a great success (:
and bringing me such a sweet and touching memory.

so yea and this is my holiday (:

5/6 - 8/6 xue ji baby camp (:
9/6 - 10/6 free at home
11/6 xue ji meeting + youth camp first meeting (:
12/6 VI one day camp and visit to THE MINES book fair with xue jis.
13/6 - 16/6 free again (:
17/6 - 19/6 XUE ji national camp (:
20/6 UM add maths seminar.

time flies.
but i am still.

2010-06-03T00:41:00.000-07:00

左眼皮拼命地在跳。
左凶右吉。
没关系，
镜子前面我的左眼在右边。

看着泡沫之夏！
太棒了，
拍得好梦幻 :)

刚刚考完试觉得很轻松，
噢不明天还有数学要考，
没有关系啦！

又开始了。
那种朦胧的感觉。

love,
now that he's gone.

X=monday is definitely NOT a holiday,

2010-05-17T01:26:00.000-07:00

but here I am lying lazily at home :)

gahhhh.
have to accept the fact that I'm gaining weight.
I jumped onto my bed as usual last night and.
early in the morning around 4,
I heard 4 stupid cracking sounds.
"pak pak pak pak!"
and yes I just simply ignored the sound thinking that it might be from somewhere else outside.
soon i sank to the right of my bed :(
gahhh.
see this stupid wooden plank broken in such an orderly manner :(

I AM FAT :(
but please do tell me I am not.
I will appreciate it very much :)

she came home and hilariously told me there was a funny sketch today at school.
starring by hush puppy and the three left hands :)
oh yes and the main character was muru o_O
it must be very funny gahhhhh I SHOULD NOT PONTENG :(
now i am thinking of excuses to write cuti sakit :(

rrrrrrrrrrahhh.
finished sejarah bab 3 :(
I MEAN only bab 3 :(
ahhhhh no time to revise more tomorrow going to musuem with shan zhi angela sheau li and kien ming :)

2010-05-16T21:00:00.000-07:00

and yes i thought everything had settled down without my notice.
I thought we will remain being two humans from different world.
so are you trying to imply that it's not as i think?
I hope it is.

It must be.

62.
i must look like a half-witted goldfish counting them.
one day after 513. it is as memorable as 513.
i am not sure how many months and days there was before this.
a few minutes to ten.
and i could still remember that.
everything's brought to live. AGAIN.
Nightfalls, very different sights and sounds after sunset over here.

I thought everything had really came to an end.
I mean it.

我会试着去相信，眼前的一切都是真实的。
试着去相信，这个不是一个陷阱，让我跳进去把自己埋起来的陷阱。
我想要相信你。
你让我有相信你的理由好吗？

我突然觉得有点害怕，
眼前的一切虚无缥盲的美好。

我真的想要相信你。
由衷地相信你。
你对我说了两次加油。
我想要分一半给你，
我们一起加油。

应该读着历史的。
怎么读着读着读上网了呢？

林俊杰--害怕

2010-05-09T04:51:00.000-07:00

mother's day :)
specially dedicated to my grandma and grandpa.

the grandma is dad's mother,
and granpa is mum's father.
different family :)

谢谢家家，我的婆婆
给我烧饭煮菜煮了16年5个月9天。
她虽然不是照顾我最多的外婆，
还是得由衷地感谢她。

如果哪一天我很久没见家家了，
家家给我的印象，
会是每次她蹲坐在洗碗盆边，
看着我们一家人开心吃饭的样子。
会是我每次吃完饭把盘伸给她，
才恍然想起忘记问家家吃了饭没的样子。
会是每次家家听不清楚我问的话，
点头就说：“我还饱” 的样子。

公公现在一定很寂寞，
外婆下去新山了，
吃了饭吗？
我从来没有主动打过电话给他们问候。
每次都是他们打来，
我爱理不理的回答。

外公很疼我，
每次回去都买巧克力汽水给我们喝。
涵涵这里，涵涵那里。

现在的他，
可能已经睡觉了。
明天早上还要早起去工厂做工。
也可能还躺在床上看电视，
忽然会指着电视机笑起来。
哈哈大笑。

小时候的心愿很简单，
就是买一间大屋子，
一家人开开心心地住在一起。

现在想起来有点笨，
不切实际。

我还是希望，
这个愿望可以实现。
我希望，
婆婆公公
外婆外公
都可以长命百岁。

母亲节，
我居然想着他们。

2010-04-30T05:40:00.001-07:00

好像很久没有写了
累
还是那句。
累
我停了。
不写了
三万个字就三万个字吧。

爽爽罢了。

love scars.
omg can't describe how embarrassing it was when wei chong the troublemaker purposely left me in that bloody situation.
F.

sarangheyo--JJ LIn
please don't sing,you'll definitely ruin that song :(

X=X

2010-04-19T05:59:00.000-07:00

gahh...
and JJ's having his first concert at Australia this COMING saturday :)
gheeee, although I know I will never have the chance to watch that :(
writing this from my NEW computer whooots :)
ahhh and tomorrow's going back to schooooo_ooooooL
HELP.
homework not done yet :)
and I'm still typing nonsense over here.

guess what,TEMENGGUNG got first in :)
after so so so many miserable years.
hahahas somehow I might think it's my face painting brought "T" the luck.
cheh.
I still remember how embarrassing it was when I found the bright white "T" painting was still on my face, and that's only when I was told by Mr. Donald.
hhhhhhhhmmmm.
okay I've to admit IT WAS QUITE NICE.
QUITE IS MENTIONED TWICE so that the perasan girl who painted it for me won't perasan,AGAIN.

She is poised and composed, elegant and beautiful.
that girl.
ahhhhhhh :)

lalalaalalalaalaalalz.........
was giddy.
anyway if you wanted so much to know what exactly happened.
no reason.
no why.
no explanation.
so bye :)

2010-04-10T06:57:00.000-07:00

多亏了兆贤学哥 :)
让我站在最后面看林俊杰 :( :( :( :(
却让我和他擦肩而过 :)

to be continue..

Lim JJ-加油--背对背拥抱--第几个100天 :)

love,
yuhan

X = 我们中间隔着一座桥，

2010-04-08T04:02:00.000-07:00

我要走过去，你却拼命地往后退.

从读者文摘看到一句话，
觉得很有意思，
点醒了沉睡的我。
遥远两端的我们。
下午的课室热烘烘的，
我想起了你。
你在哪里。
那天我推开门看见了你。
生疏地点头微笑，
心里莫名其妙地没有感觉。
像两个陌生人，
一开始就走在两条平行线上，
不可能会有交集。
不小心会到那一天，
一个月有多久，
这么难忘。
可是为什么每次从朋友口中特意地提到你时，
我往往不经意地那样难堪。
今天给伍健名看我的message inbox,
我很放心，
要看就看吧，
乱按就乱按吧，
没有什么值得隐藏的。
因为根本没有。
有也不过是短短的回答，
仿佛是百忙中厌恶地敷衍。

偶然发现自己很爱批评别人，
别人也很爱批评自己，
别人也很爱批评别人，
自己有时候也喜欢批评自己。
这个年龄就是这样的。
我常常这样想。
总爱在背后说别人的闲话，
是种乐趣。
不要说没有，
每个人都有，
一定会有的，
哪怕是最乖巧最纯的人，
也会不经意地议论别人。
听见别人批评自己时很难受，
但是常常会这么想，
世界上有很多人，
你不能让每一个都喜欢你，
感恩对你好的人，
其他的，由他们去好了。
这样总会好过些。
我也很喜欢讲别人的是非，
是种乐趣。
爽爽就讲，
往往不顾别人感受，
世界是个循环，
你不顾别人的感受，
别人没有必要顾及你的感受。
我是酱想的。
所以要把自己防卫得很好。
面对流言蜚语不要退缩，
再困扰也得走下去。

From Andrew:
爱是减少批评，
爱是允许别人穿他想穿的衣服，
过他想过的生活，
做他想做的事。

我觉得很有意思。
尤其是最后一句。

好累，
可是会开始赶稿，小说 :)

拜拜

林俊杰----期待爱

2010-04-07T04:58:00.000-07:00

一千年以后，
世界早已没有我。

一时感触，
越来越多愁善感了。
最近常在做一个奇怪的梦。
梦是连续剧般地播出。
每晚每晚。

好累。
哎。
我还有十分钟。
不想浪费时间，
又想乱打一些什么的。
好累。
累

看了丘老师的blog :)
哎
每个人都有烦恼。
这个世界终究是公平的。
每个人都得烦恼各自的烦恼。
哎
哎
哎
哎
好累
不想读书
沉重的无力感。
烦
所有的流言蜚语，你怎么能视而不见？
哎
好累
怀疑自己有恋X情结，最近都常常在想他。
不是，
不会是。

QWERTYUIOP
ASDFGHJKL
ZXCVBNM

I felt a clarion call to tear her into pieces
"kill her"
"burn her alive"
and sleep.
wth

and I guess now they're going to make vociferous demands to kick her out of the list.
oh no i mean keep pressing her down, DOWN, and DOWWWWWN :)
I think.
that hatred is barely intelligible.

SLEEP.
WAKE UP.
AND REALISE THAT:
EVERYTHING'SGOINGTOBEALRIGHT.

天使--- unknown :)

2010-04-06T06:29:00.001-07:00

going to produce another novel if possible :)
bye.
randomness :)
thank her, for staying beside me all the way long for these 4 years :)

2010-04-05T05:41:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I guess I'm going to laugh like an insane woman the whole night :)
proudly announced that,
I HAVE FINISHED MY PROSE :) :) :)
hooray for me :)
something that must be celebrated hehehehehehehehehehe :)
feel relief o_O
and sent two copies to two teachers :)
ONE is definitely Ms Wong,
another ONE is to my dearest 丘老师 :)
my ex-teacher :)
primary school teacher, who's known as our jie jie nowadays.
I wonder who was the one who had started calling her so.

HEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEH NE NE NI BU BU :)
CRAP I just realized that there's going to be another essay-writing competition next month :(
oh GOD, thank you :)
i love this kind of hectic life,which actually saves me from thinking nonsense o_O

and yes not to forget OLYMPIAD MATHS COMPETITION is around corner too :)

lalalalalalalalalalaalallalaalallalalalallalalalalalla I guess I'm not going to have any rest the whole week :( since xue ji meeting occupies my weekends.

oh yes 丘老师 just gave me some idea to end the essay :)
love her :)

X=thank you loser,

2010-04-04T05:57:00.000-07:00

as you make me feel GREAT :)

Sometimes work can become a curse. It blinds us, and many things become unimportant in our busy schedules.
We lose touch, of many simple yet crucial life lessons, and we eventually become numb to the most important element in life - love.

Being close to nature however, can help slow things down a little, and we can pause our metropolitan lifestyles just to feel life differently.

I’m glad I took some time off my usual schedules to be a little closer to Mother Nature.

但忙碌，也可以是一種詛咒，它讓我們看不到身邊的人，讓我們覺得很多東西相比之下變得眇小。我們很容易在忙碌之中忘了生活很重要的小事情，因此失去人生中最重要的意義－情。

靠近大自然，有時候能夠讓我們放慢腳步，對我們城市的繁忙喊暫停***

偶然发现自己已经很久沒有呼吸到新鮮的空气了***

爸爸讲以前他读书的时候每个人都是他的朋友，待人处事不要太计较。

他懂了，妈妈懂了 :)

anyway,新作品要诞生了 :) 继泡沫之夏后好久没写了，笔锋都快生锈了 :)

抢先看 o_O

......洗把脸吧！可能会变得清醒、冷静些。从厕所走出来，眼前的一切是那样碍眼！桌上的课本、小说杂乱无章，文具随处乱放，书架上的参考书东歪西倒地躺着，架上铺满了一层厚厚的尘埃。有多久没有整理房间了？我暗暗地想。算了，就算收拾了房间也收拾不了自己疲惫不堪的心情，改天再大扫除好了。开始温习吧，印象中有好多好多功课累积着。奥林匹克数学比赛迫在眉睫，先做几题数学题吧。怎么这些数字和符号此刻看来如此陌生，该怎么下手？我的那叠参考资料呢？塞去哪一个角落了？不，应该先修改计划书，这个周末有学记区会议。噢不，还有国英语口试还来不及准备资料，华语好像也有口试，还要交作文，晚上有国语补习......“啊！”我失声呐喊，受不了了！杂乱的心情扰乱了我的思绪，烦恼一箩筐，我只想逃离这一切！

屋外下着蒙蒙的细雨，刚操步回来的我全身湿湿黏黏的，淋雨也无妨。雨中漫步也不失为浪漫，可是我讨厌这样的天气，像是讨厌现在灰蒙蒙的心情一样。地上浅浅的水映照出天上的黑云和自己的倒影。一阵冷风轻拂而过，水面上泛起层层的小涟漪，一圈一圈地荡漾开去，不经意地泛起心中的烦燥，心情更糟了。我垂着头漫步走向守卫室。那是一间简陋的小房子，那是我的失落天堂...

待续，还有下一篇《吃饭》 :)
慢慢等吧 :)

and I thought 2010 is looking to be a fresh year of surprises and new achievements…
yes i know it's going to be, hopefully :)
世界上有太多人和事物，不是每一样都能如我所愿，自己过得去就好。
忘了什么时候开始学会洒脱，却总是学不会潇洒地忘记。
也好，有些事情总得记得，当作是个教训也好。
教训我的无知，噢不，是知道得太多了，有些事情看得太透彻了。
收拾了杂乱的房间收拾不了烦躁的心情，这是真的。
我看见那块面包笔记本，我想丢掉，舍不得，那三行字，我很怀疑。
那篇散文是随想，随写，也不知道该怎么命名好 :(

received a message from Mr Kung yesterday, and I thought it was about the olympiad,
there it goes : CAR COMING.STAND ASIDE.
感到安慰，那霎那。

had lunch in Icafe with Wai Kei and Jason after tuition.
bumped into ANWAR who looked like a dumb monkey waving at the window to the waiter :)

HE's going to be here in another one week's time :) whootsss :)
oh god I just realized that I don't know where I kept his album T__________________________T
CRAP

oh yes and Tiong Chin said he'll be going to Xue ji meeting this coming Saturday wth.
o_O sacrificing his school hours oh no I MEAN his tuition hours o_O
It died on me, I wonder if I've listen wrongly, CRAP.

There he was today.But I still feel empty.Once in a week, or maybe twice I guess?
Perhaps he's not the right person.

爱与不爱－黄威尔

2010-04-03T05:38:00.000-07:00

SATURDAY :)
another 1 week to go.
anyway I LOVE hypebeasting lol***
guess what,I LOVE to see her annoyed face too :)

had a pbsm briefing in our class yesterday,
feel uneasy when SHE talked to me in a peremptory tone.
so who are you.
ask yourself.
purposely opposed HER whenever she said something :)
AUTISM YONG loves that.
bear in mind i am always crazy,and I may do anything even it may be offensive.
Jengyee got me and said SHE's annoyed :)
she was.
standing beside the window ALONE.
watching us talking shit in front of the class :)
yes we talk shit.
AND YES I TALK SHIT :)
when I see the annoyed expression on your face :)
:) :) :) :)
how dare I to declare myself as the winner :) :) :)
I'd lost everything so I'm going to do every possible thing in order to get back what belongs to me.
it doesn't matter if the result is not as what I expect.
at least I know what am I doing and I feel easy with it.
I am who I am.
I can do anything as long as I'm not going to be hated by my FRIENDS.
FRIENDS :)
can you sense some tinge of irony?
when I mention about friends?
yes I don't have everything.
but what I have is definitely always more than you, in every single aspects.
lalalalalalalalalala ne ne ni bu bu
NE NE NI BU BU
NE NE NI BU BU
as if I were a child :)

就当作是上多一课吧！
同情你 :(
当我以那种胜利者的姿势说话时，
对我来说你已经彻底失败了:)
可怜虫。
那种虚无飘盲的胜利感，
满足了我当下想要报复的心态。
就算以后我可能失败，
你还是那个失败者，
因为你已经失去了一些无法挽回可能你觉得没有必要挽回的东西 :)
you're always the loser,
and I may be the next round loser,
but still I declare myself as the winner :)
you'll know why.

命运自有出路

林俊杰－妈妈的娜鲁娃

p/s:去死吧！

X = If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days,

2010-04-01T03:49:00.000-07:00

you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it)

他很奇怪。
满脸的问号，
是不是那天我把话说重了***
语气放得太过分了***
好愧疚***
不经意地随口跟爸爸妈妈讲关于去日本homestay的事情
没想到爸爸一口就答应了。
2000块不是小数目
爸爸讲很少罢了嘛 o_O
有点不对劲，
却不知道哪里出了问题 o_O
love you :)
but I'm not going.
to me it costs alot :(
although dad's paying for me.
listening to By2's new album.
not much new ideas in that album.
keep repeating the same elements, the same way they used to sing.
okay I admit I like one of the songs :)
since it's written by JJ :)
okay ignore me.

hypebeasting is somehow boring :(
when you're talking with someone who's actually know nothing about it.
omg and I'd just realized that I love taking random snaps :)
and randomly jumping from a topic to another.
oh yea, I saw Angelalamui's latest post on Facebook :)
***Yuhan saw an ADD MATHS question and she goes:"What a lame question!"
and was liked by 2 people o_O
wth.

Work can get repetitive, tiring at times.
sitting in the freakin super-dimper-whatever HOT classroom :(
I doubt it is a classroom.
should be known as kandang kambing :*(
according to the hush puppies.
But once in awhile you come across what I call an epic show that revitalizes you*** and epic doesnt always mean huge.
had suffered through a hectic week :)
smiling all the way.
not really after all.
:( 了坏更得变气脾
anyway enjoying this kind of life.
busily working everything out,and you'll have no time thinking nonsense :)
anything.
bumped into kah lok :) :) :) when loitering around the school a few days back.
she goes taller :(
not a good thing for me, as it simply shows that I'm much shorter than everyone of my age :(
but the condition of her lips seemed to get worse and worse :(
*fingers crossed* hopefully she's able to get through that :(
alang tuition again tonight :(

THE TO-BE-DONE LIST :)
1. Olympiad Maths preparation ( I've been too lazy to work this out.feel uneasy with the whole stack of exercises, eventhough answers are provided, I feel like a dumb donkey, know nothing about it at all.I wonder since when I'm so so so not familiar with numbers and symbols.)

2.Essay-wrtiting competition ( okay I'll do nothing about this.just keep on reading some lyrics I guess? ahh I'm going to burst my head I have no idea at all )

3.My Chemistry ( he sucks,i mean it. I can't even understand what he's murmuring about. crap, going to fail my chemistry in mid-year, going to study Chemistry all by myself soon :( hope it's not going to be hard,just realized I've no any Chemistry reference book, CRAP )

杰俊林-士武黑

X = :)

2010-03-29T05:07:00.000-07:00

开始相信这个世界终究是公平的
总得失去了一些什么
才可以换会一些想要的。

growing up :)
learning things :)
falling down :)
standing up :)
cheering up :)

加油也很累.
加油.

X=I'm no longer who I was,

2010-03-28T06:03:00.000-07:00

because of your absence :)

before i had the chance to say,
don't keep telling me these words.
you don't know how much it hurts.
deep inside my heart.
love scars,
when moving on without anyone beside you.
but now it's too late,
I'm no longer who i was.
I'm no longer who i was.
I'm no longer who i was.
i mean it.

what's left of us is nothing.
I know I'm a fool.
and I don't even know how to be strong as I used to be.
you're not here today.
and I kept turning my head,
eying the door,
what I've got was just simply your absence.
that kind of pure emptiness.
now tell me where is the so-called miracles.

在命运的前面我怀疑，
很怀疑，
真的常常在想，
是不是选错了路，
该回头吗？
还有回转的余地吗？
失败会设下陷井，
没有胜利会发出邀请。
天晓得我在哪里徘徊着***

最近很灰。
很累。
放任无奈把自己埋没。
那种忙碌的快感。
太要强了，
刚刚做add maths的时候碰钉了。
一头雾水，
可是我终究还是那个执著的我。
不想call朋友问答案，
只想自己解决难题。
一个劲儿地往死角里钻，
不肯求救。
还好后来想通了那题问题，
不然现在也没心情上网 :(

林俊杰 4月10号来马开签唱会，
吉隆坡的唯一一场，
该死的撞正了那天居然有学记meeting :(
我两个都不想错过。
他们说这次的meeting很重要 :(
tell me how am i going to choose :( :( :(

明天又要上学了 :(
又要被黄老师催稿了 :(
打算写吃饭。
黄老师给的灵感 :)

pretending dont care,when i really do :)
妈妈的娜鲁娃-林俊杰

2010-03-27T01:49:00.000-07:00

I didn't know you had to go,
there's enough distance between us (:
I will go on without anyone,
I'm a bird who's lost your wings (:
a fire without its flame.
a song without its soul.
you don't know how much it hurts.
I'm no longer who i was,
like a fool who's too sure.
now that you're gone.

and this is what I've just realized.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JJ :)

btw support EARTH HOUR please****
tonight from 830 to 930 :)
only an hour but it really helps alot.
show our love to mother EARTH :)
LOVE you :)

love,
yuhan (:

-now that she's gone-JJ

2010-03-26T06:44:00.000-07:00

最近感触很深的几首歌...

星月神话--金莎

尽管呼吸着同一天空的气息
却无法拥抱到你
如果转换了时空身份和姓名
但愿认得你眼睛

背对背拥抱--林俊杰

我不要一直到形同陌路变成自找
既然可以拥抱就不要轻易放掉

爱因为在心中--未知

每个人都拥有一个梦
即使彼此不相同
能够与你分享
无论失败成功都会感动

分享－－--伍思楷,
小学毕业歌。
忘记--林俊杰，
忘记那些忧伤，
是不是真的可以勇敢地站起来? :)

X= When a bomshell burst,

2010-03-26T06:17:00.000-07:00

the population decreases vigorously :)

Ineedmorerestseriously :)
IwanttosleepbutIkeptdreamingaboutyouthewholenight.
goingtosleepearliertonighthopefullythere'snotgoingtobehavinganyofyourshadowinmydream.
iwanttosleep.
andwatchunfinishedautumn'sconcerto O_O

and you think you're responsible in this,
so here you go,
taking your responsibility in every single thing.
never put the blame on me,for having such a lame excuse.
i just realized that we belong to the same species.
anyway thank you,
just received a new message making me feel relief :)

now that she's gone--JJ
and now that you're gone.
I wonder whether am i going to meet you tomorrow.
sleep.wake.and sleep again.

oh yeah,tomorrow's JJ's birthday :) :) :)
and Vivi's birthday too O_O
such a coincidence.
happy ADVANCED BIRTHDAY TO BOTH OF THEM :)
and their birthday drops on the earth hour's day O_O

support earth hour :)

and when a condom burst,
the population increases immediately O_O
what a lame joke by tuition teacher :)
as long as you smile.

2010-03-24T04:11:00.000-07:00

fuck.
结果输了。
抓不住那刹那的失望
伤心难过在所难免，
也没有想象中的激动。
妈妈说当然啦，你整天缺席。
也对，
那种感觉不在了。
那种骨子里滋生的精神，
没有了。
红了眼眶，
回家的路上经过pejabat, 遇见mr affendi.
他安慰我说去到zone再加把劲 O_O
他还搞不清楚状况。
可是他的心意我心领了 :)
没什么好难过的，
我喜欢他的诚恳，
由衷的劝告。

我的世界应该更辽阔，
不应该为这个难过太久
默哀三分钟好了，
我会永远记得我的不积极。

昨晚跟爸爸妈妈吵架了，
我真的不想，
我的脾气就是这么硬这么臭 :(

好累，
这阵子长大了很多，
经历了很多，
感受了很多，
我却变得越来越患得患失。
害怕失去，却又不知道要怎样去抓紧。
那样的矛盾 :(

我就是这样死心眼。
心里彷徨孤独惶恐，
就是要人赔，
那个人离我很远很远，
我不知道有多远，
那种无形的距离，
把我压迫得喘不过起来。
想念汇集成一片汪洋，
哪里会有光?
那样荒唐，
我会试着去忘记你的，
可是难道说选择了忘记，
就解放了自己，
是否就能有抬头的勇气。
不想忘记，
我会留意你的一切，
不管多压抑
我害怕，
我不喜欢每次sms的时候你爱理不理的感觉。
真的，我会试着去忘记，虽然很难。

时间过得很馒，
有时候很快，
这么快中四了，
好想念中三 :)
3 Amanah :)
random snap after PMR :)
in 4H I think,
and now it's almost the end of March.
time really flies,not even being noticed by anyone.
and it's when we started to avoid each other :)

i feel empty now.
I struggle, but I break free...
I fall, but I get up...
I rest, but I never stop...
I die, but I live forever...
我發現... ...
生活中難免陷入掙扎卻也因此而脫困
學習中難免遭遇失敗卻也因此而成長
跋涉中偶爾需要休息卻永不停止前進

我感悟... ...
死亡終究會發生但它無法阻止生命延續！

凡走過必留下痕跡
存在於彼此心中的烙印牽連著萬物中的每一個個體
生命源自於創造透過永續經營持之以恆

好累，
如果说可以回到从前，

我会选择回到从妈妈肚子里出生的那刻，
一切从新来过，
时间过得太快，
才发现已经活了十五年.

JJ -冻结忘记

X = 不小心回到那一天 =

2010-02-27T05:39:00.000-08:00

不小心一切又重演***
你还是那样故作软弱,
你还是你，
我还是我。

对呀，她说得对，

我占强势，你在弱势，
还真*可爱*呢！

今天过得很充实，
有欢笑，
有泪水。
在看下一站，幸福的时候，
我也不知道自己为什么会黯然流泪。
情节太感人？
还是，
太久没有哭了？

明天有学记，
今天在 sunny beach 碰上了第四区在开会。
很偶然。
很累，
一整天下来真的很累，
明明考完试了还会累。

然后历史节看见他了。
一样的硬朗。
没有眼神交集，
没有说话，
静静地擦身而过。
静静的，
那么空虚。
仿佛有些什么，
空洞洞的，
心里静静的，
有些什么掉了。

尽管呼吸着同一片天空的气息，
却无法拥抱到你，
不是拥抱，
连说话的机会也没有。
真可悲。
你会不会也有千言万语，
埋在沉默的梦里*****

昨晚临睡前想了很多，
想林俊杰，
想他，
想学记，
想华文学会，
想朋友，
想 PBSM，
想到那个最不想想起的人。
才发现什么时候开始我憎恨她了。
误会那么深，
我连解释也懒了，
随她怎么想。
她们说得对，
她该烦恼，懊恼，
而不是我被牵着鼻子走，
我难过什么？
什么时候开始连生疏的点头微笑也没有了。
什么时候开始她不再坐过来我们这里了？
我很想问她
是谁刻意排挤她了？
是谁太敏感了？
是谁越走越远了？
什么时候开始连说话也是靠别人传？
你想想吧，
什么时候开始用 blog 来做我们的沟通平台？
是谁先开始用那样讽刺的口气写下那些什么什么的。
也许我太过天真，
以为奇迹会发生。
我以为终究你会慢慢明白，
我从来在任何人面前没有说过你半个汉语拼音的不是，
不然我永远听不见林俊杰的歌 O_O
好毒，
直到那天晚上让我看见了那句矛头指向我的两个字，
崩溃，我以为我够坚强，
在cikgu alang 那边哭得稀里哗啦。
crystal 讲我无聊，
为无赖的人无聊的事哭。
无聊透顶 :(
她不明白，
她说我们像小孩子在玩泥沙。
那些泥沙里有回忆，
她不懂。
我不会再管，
放手~~~放开所有~~~~ :)
放开了我就拥有一切，
久违的笑容。

想林俊杰，
什么时候开始没有他的消息了？＝(

想学记，
这个星期练习又会有多少个人来？
五个？
六个？
剩下仁骏一个男生？
有时候觉得仁骏很可怜，
女生们说什么话都搭不上口，
blur blur 的，
还有那个 tiong chin,
好可悲，
说真的仁骏是个很好的聆听者，
谢谢他肯听我的抱怨。
也许他永远不会懂我的心情，
他不懂那个女生是谁，
有机会我会指给你看的，
那个让我第一次有冲动骂粗口的所谓朋友，好朋友。
谢啦！
不要那样 stress :)
你还有我和 amanda 帮你嘛 :)
也很抱歉，对 amanda :(
每次麻烦她父母，
要在她家开会 D:
老是觉得不好意思****

happy advanced birthday to simon LAI KHENG MUN :)
and I still wonder if I'm using your tumbler until now, since you said you've changed it.
happy birthday :)
生性点啦 :)

hmmm tomorrow xue ji :)
I'm wondering what type of cookies shall I bring.

oh yea!
today we just danced 2 团康舞 and were recorded by jian beng :D
perhaps we'll be able to watch them ASAP.
and thanks to ka hou's and bofang's mother lol***
for fetching us from and to LRT station.
omg it seems like they're sharing the same mother O_O
hahas, had s hectic day but enjoyed it very much.
I love the chocolates :) :) :)
I still wanna some O_O

oh shit :(
holy shit!
forget to inform jing yee shu lee and hui ying about tomorow to-bring list O_O
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh**** :( :( :(

冻结－林俊杰

X = 下一站，幸福 =

2010-02-25T18:01:00.000-08:00

当然是偏正短语啦 :D

考完华语试卷后嚷嚷地讨论着下一站幸福。
涵宁说大结局延播到第21集 :D
还有还有，
林俊杰@学海封底人物了!!! :D :D :D昨晚发了一个超级奇怪的梦，
什么时候林俊杰变成我哥哥了？
烦人得要命。
吃了饭没有？
功课做完了没有？
要我载你出去吗？
去哪里酱夜了？

还好只是梦 :D
going to be extremely busy this weekend :D
I love this kind of life,packed with activities until you cannot think of other stuff other than your work :D
later will be going to amanda's house for xueji performance :D
cheras xueji rocks haha we're going to dance bad romance O_O
and the 难兄难弟 :D
尬舞 kononnya.
hopefully the attendance today will be satisfying lol.
I miss you seriously*****
how good if you're one of us D:

and going to martin after the meeting,
after martin will be Mrs yuen.
so i will be back to home around 9 :D

well, saturday will be having one period of sejarah @ martin with xiao huei and the gang.
after that taking LRT with kexin and perhaps jeng yee to pandan indah or pandan perdana whatever, as long as someone is leading me hahahaha kexin will definitely be the one :D

then we'll have pbc meeting @ ngai foong's house O_O
angpau mari mari =.=
CNY not yet over :)
so ham long's meeting until around 2 something, kexin and I will be taking LRT back to pudu again for add maths :D
grr grr grr :)

and oh yes SUNDAY!
xue ji meeting @ 星洲日报报馆 :D
olalalala***
ham ham's not going to be bored this weekend :D

anyway penilaian 1 is over.
feeling good actually I don't know why?
they said parents are going to take the report cards on 10th of April :(
ohf!
but heee just take it easy I feel good at all the subjects except for ENGLISH D:
not enough time lah dude :(
feeling proud for finishing add maths in 45 minutes and sleep for another 1 hour ++
and sheau li kept looking at me I know what she wanted :)
we are both humans :D

I did that once ago too :)
so I decided to help her out since evryone doesn't want to fail their add maths O_O
no good no good :*(

lalala going to amanda's house no brb :)
Autumn's Concerto :D :D :DI love 小小彬 the most :D :D :D
转动 -- 林俊杰

they said fuck means
friend
u
can
keep
wtFUCK D:

X=可怜不是天理=

2010-02-25T02:51:00.000-08:00

事实才是道理。

人总得学会长大，
总得学会忘记不愉快的过去。
It doesn't take alot to smile,
but sometimes in life,
things happen and our smiles get stolen from us.
We frown, we tear, even weep… but I just find it hard to smile again.
原来笑也要用力，虚伪的笑容也须要点技巧，
要一个人笑很简单，
尤其是像我这样大喇喇的人，
委屈难过就放声大哭，
开心兴奋就不顾仪态地开怀大笑，
但生活中遇到的事情，
有时候会把笑容从我们脸上偷走，抢走，
留下空虚。
我们生气，痛苦流泪，发狂，但就很难再笑了。
笑得出，
也只是强颜欢笑。

说什么加油都是假的，
加油也需要勇气，
走下去，
还会再跌倒，
再走，
再跌。

伤心的时候倒头大睡是再好不过的了。
忘记忧伤。
睡觉，
可能还会发梦，
虽然不是真实的，
有时候人也需要空间来逃避现实世界的残酷。
同情弱者，是再普通不过了。

我须要一个人来静静地听我倾诉，
不要说话，
不要眨眼，
让我知道你是真的用心在听。
那是最好的倾诉者。
那个位子，总是在换。

最最讨厌打扰我的人，
就像努力想要掩盖的伤口，
偏偏有人非要把它再一次血淋淋地撕开，
要我怎样去笑？

不管是嘲笑还是同情，
伤口哪怕化脓腐烂也是我的事情。
别人凭什么插手？
什么当局者迷，旁观者清都是假的。
还没进入状况就插手 D:

太坚强了是很吃亏的。
还好我不是，
爱哭爱笑。

对呀，你可以表现得再软弱一点，
甚至哭出来，
那样人家都会同情你，yes!成功了，不是吗?

很累
最近好像事事都不顺心，
也不知道为什么
全世界都在逆转
我不要这一些

对你我选择了逃避
我没有力气在兜着转了。

婆婆拿我的生辰八字去问字
叫我要提防小人，
出入要小心，
我是时候应该去相信这些了。

还有，
肌肉酸痛得很利害。
前天去看医生，
是腹部肌肉拉伤了，
叫我最好不要在做激烈运动了。
激烈运动? O_O
我哪来的运动细胞？
爸爸跟医生说我没有运动，
只有去kawad.
医生说也最好不要了，
休息几天吧。
可是今天我去了，
我也不懂我为什么会去。
很累，
总爱放空，
可能是因为上拜六没去到吧。
也不是我的错，
有学记啊！

现在好像学记变成了我的寄托。
我什么都不想管，
看到他们在我面前谈名单的事情，
我没有办法关着我的耳朵，
或者刺破我的耳膜。
只好走出课室透透气。
天气还是那样热，
夹着内心的烦躁，
那一霎那有哭出来的冲动，
后来想想，
不值得我流眼泪。
往好的方面去想我少了一个负担。
安慰自己，
我知道那是很牵强的自我安慰。

我很累。

X = Lunar New Year 2010, and it's Valentine's Day too =

2010-02-18T22:39:00.000-08:00

so what?
yes, it was Valentine's Day too.
and I know someone might have missed him so so so much O_O

just came back from Seremban :) it's not a long journey but it's tiring enough,
and the stupid PROTON WIRA, something's wrong with the stupid WIRA air-conditioner,
so we have to open the windows all the way back to KL.
someone might feel uneasy with the strong wind on their face.But it's quite comfortable for me,lol :)

刚从芙蓉回来，不是很远的旅程。
也习惯了。
这个农历新年过得很充实，懒洋洋的不想读书。
一个星期没上网了，闷慌了。
年除夕晚还是吃火锅。
材料是现买的，不是很好吃。好像很无聊，今年的年夜饭。

had a void desk steamboat on the new year eve.
anyway, we’re taking it down with a 100% local touch :)

虽然说是年夜饭，吃得好不团圆。
用的是方形塑料桌子,闷闷热热的。
笪笪吃到一半就出门去夜市开档了。
落寞的背影，一拐一拐地推着三轮车出去。
背影消失在隔壁家小孩放烟火的硝烟里，慢慢散去。
Kevin一声呼喝，小孩一溜而散。
老人的背影已经不在。
小叔叔没有回来。
别人请吃大盆菜。
只打了一通电话。
家家好像若无其事一样，应该不好受吧，
除夕啊，团圆吗？
最最疼痛的表情往往是没有情绪。

好像都老了。
家家，
笪笪，
公公，
婆婆。
至少他们还健在。

大年初一。
去家家家，第一次照全家福。
人还算齐整。
然后回芙蓉，
第一次大年初一回芙蓉，
因为爸爸第二天要去Times Square开店。
好无聊噢！
从吉隆坡赶回芙蓉，
又从芙蓉回来吉隆坡。
不是忘了什么没拿到。
小舅舅啦 :)
带我还有芷萱,立圣,芷明他们去看 3D Avatar :D
为了一部电影噢，也还好啦。

去了一趟Mid Valley,
没有票 D:
后来去到 Times Square,
有票啊！
别人reserved了没来拿的最后六张，刚刚好，
地理位置适中，看久了头不会酸 :)

值得看的一部电影，
是真的有在抄袭宫崎俊啦！
不过毕竟是导演的沥心之作，
要看就看啦！
为什么人们总爱说什么抄袭不抄袭的 D:

anyway not going to kawad tomorow :)
I know I'm able to go for half an hour.
but I don't want.
那种沉重的无力感，
说什么加油都是假的，
我根本没有办法找一个理由去告诉自己应该坚持下去。
仁骏说让他们去见鬼吧！
他说的可真容易。
不过也不失为一种安慰。

虚伪撕裂
你怎么解释这些？
噢不，
不须要解释，
你的解释就是在掩饰。
我在等，
看今晚的你会不会去,
我赌，
你不会去，
噢不，
你不敢去。

星月神话 --金莎

X = and where's the CNY atmosphere =

2010-02-12T21:31:00.001-08:00

CHINESE NEW YEAR.
CNY.
CHINESE NEW YEAR.
CNY.
and tell me please where is the CNY atmosphere D:

X = 虚伪撕裂 =

2010-02-12T05:30:00.000-08:00

后来呢？
开始满嘴粗口.
找不到形容词来形容那种难以形容的形容词.

会好的。
只想在这个星期里安静下来，
谁都不想见.
更甭说kawad,
我会一个人静静的，
会好的。

可是想起来真的很痛，
尤其那些明明比较之下摆明比较差劲的，
我不懂，
我希望知道自己做错了什么，
却不想听到不是自己胃口的答案。
很痛。
很差劲。
有些事情不用说出来，
你知道我知道，
大家知道，
心知肚明。
我再怎么差劲也绝对不会比那些货色差。
毕竟他们总有他们的原因。
我很累，
很痛，
不想知道。

庆幸身边有支持我的朋友。
一样那么认为。
还好在团队那里还有些力量。
撑着我。

真的很痛，
不敢去想以后。
这是致命的冲动，
你不懂我不懂。

最最讨厌长着大耳朵的人了。
是那种听了还要发言的人。
顶不顺，
我怎样做关你什么事。
我在跟晓俐他们讲话不是你 SHUT UP D:
总爱插进别人的对话，
还要批评我。
索性漂亮的两指一伸，
马上乖乖住嘴。
贱货！！！ O_O
没有碰到你一根寒毛也要出声批评别人，
贱货 O_O
所以你很酷是吗?
很可爱是吗？
装傻装孬装可爱。
什么是品位，
是态度决定一切。

虚伪撕裂
你怎么解释这些?

2010-02-11T03:51:00.000-08:00

ahhhhhhh xue ji meeting falls on the days right before penilaian 1 D; D; D:
ahhhhhhh tell me how am I going to study, please D: D:

I repeat, no point of deleting what You've wrote.
I mean it.
because others had read them before you've deleted them.
:)
lucky enough otherwise I'm going to be the one who 无理取闹.

旧帐总翻不完，谁无理取闹？
你的双手甩开刚好的微妙，然后战火再燃烧。
话总说不清楚，该怎么明了？
一字一句像圈套，
莫名其妙。

莫名其妙!

omg and i realised that my teacher saw the status I wrote on FB D: D: D:
啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊，丘老师啊！！！

and sorry to PANDA CHONG TAU TENG D:
pity him because I just punched him a few times when we were walking home.
thank you for relieving my pain anyway :D
he kept asking me what's going wrong.
I guess it's his first time to see me pissed-off like this since we were young.
the first time D:
thank you anywayssss.
I hope I didn't hurt you O_O

2010-02-10T05:41:00.000-08:00

no point of deleting what you've wrote.
to avoid misunderstandings?
anything else?
It's unforgettable in my mind.
it just simply shows me that you wanna prove that I'm wrong.
yes I am wrong.
as you wish.

feels better after sms-ing with that stupid monkey :)
thank him :D
good luck for your chemistry tomorrow,
oh yes my chemistry sucks :( :( :(

2010-02-10T03:14:00.000-08:00

FUCK YOU

guess what, now the whole world knows you're boycotted.
all right it's your right to say and write whatever you want to.
and it's my right too.
FUCKYOU.
for the little word "you suck" you wrote.
although it's weeks ago.
FUCKYOU,
and yes we're not perfect,not even close to perfect,
so what?
why dont we simply boycott anyone else and why it's you!
think of it.
I mean what I mean.
think of it.
why it's not me who's boycotted?
think of it.
and yes nobody is perfect,
but why is it you?
and not me?
and not anyone alse?
think of it.
you simply think that you're too innocent.
no you're not.

I dont get what I want so what?
yes I admit i'm fucking dissappointed,
yes I get hurted easily.
at least there are friends beside me.
and you?

think of it.

at least I still have some source of strength to support me.
FRIENDS.
XUE JI.
i am glad whenever I think of xue ji, I don't know why but I feel relieved.

and yes what else you have?
your so-called cat hai mui?
and what else?
who else?
FUCK YOU, I mean it.
i still remember the word "you suck"
Iwillneverforgetnomatterwhathappens.
you know what,I swear I never use the F word to anyone else.
I swear.
and you know what?
the distance between us, it's not because of me.
I do nothing but just stand aside and keep quiet.
I swear I never say anything until last friday.
I swear.
for god's sake.

oh yes it's my sins.
for not joining together to humiliate you.
for not standing by your side whenever they muttered about you.
what I regret the most is that I should have support them earlier.
i really mean it.

this post is not simply meant for you.
and i still remember the day I read that innocent phrase, you suck.
it's on a thursday.
before I went to alang tuition.
because I still remember, that dunno-what-to-do feeling in the tuition class.
and yes vivi n crystal's tease, teasing me crying for that stupid reason.
yes now I think of it, I just simply wasted my tears.
I should have cry harder today.
and that will make others to pity me.
but what for?
self-pitying in that lame way.

FUCK.

退后，再后退，再退后，
是谁再退后？
我一直站在那里，
不敢向前，
却从来没有犹豫过要不要退后。

悲剧重演，带来的二度伤害，
我还是恍然失措，
怔在那里黯然流泪。
可惜泪不会流太久，
我还记得，
我还有学记。

扒了三碗饭，
吞了两块蛋糕，
咽住泪水，
泪腺断了，
哭不出来，
多好，

一次又一次被撕开的伤口，
一天又一天的谎言。
要我怎样加油。

伤口刚因为卖柑成功而痊愈，
却又一次被撕开。
那是多么锥心的痛。
悲剧不断上演，
同样的侨段，
同样的剧本，
同样的眼泪，
同样的安慰。

忘了吧，
失望透底。

and you think nobody will know.
you had just deleted 2 lines.
red eyes.
i hate misundertsandings.

now tell me,
in which way you prefer to suffer.
我会成全你。

加油也要勇气，
也要用力，
现在对自己说声加油的力也没了，
加油--林俊杰.
该怎么哼下去.

ps : Tauteng claims that it's the first time he saw me typing FUCk.imagine how pissed-off i am.

2010-02-09T05:40:00.000-08:00

be careful of your words :D
you little annoying creature.
oops D:
imagine what will happen if i tell this to everyone.
and the hatred will continue until the end.
becoming worse.

oooops D:
i'm looking forward to watching another nice drama :D
you-know-who-you-are.
i'm no longer the little innocent kid who don't know how to check IP.
remember what,I ask you before about this.
and you think you're too clever.

you idiot.
i'm waiting to see.
you. suffering :D

argghhhhghhghgy XUE JI THIS THURSDAY!!! KAWAD!!! BIOLOGY CLASSS!!!
=O=

2010-02-09T02:49:00.000-08:00

olalalala :D
想让你听一首歌，
歌词可以自己改，
不要对号入座噢！ :D :D :D

这么一双鞋品牌奇怪真的奇怪
它的勾勾怎么倒反
那运动衬衫也是奇怪
也够奇怪为什么鳄鱼会撑伞

hey yo tell me i don't know why

hey yo why 偶像歌手都有山寨版

hey yo tell me what's on your mind

搞这么的像这么的烂这么寒酸怎么的办

赢了就是猫熊输了就是狗熊

创意死于模仿有什么用

开创你的未来命运自己主宰

别只作个冒牌当跟屁虫当跟屁虫…有什么用

就是跟屁虫有什么用

这一个汉堡品牌奇怪真的奇怪
黄色的m为何倒反
那儿童品牌也是奇怪
也够奇怪为什么 kitty有浏海

当然，
你可以取谐音啊！
可怜虫 :D

you-know-who-you-are :D :D :D

anywayssss,
so ham glad that this week we're not going to have any xue ji's meeting :D
i don't wanna to miss any of it, cause I know I may not be able to attend it :( :( :(
heee I feel so good when it's my turn to do the same thing on you.
you know what, i like your xpression whenever you're together with us :D
seriously.
your annoyed,embarrassed xpression so ham CUTE :D
to me laaaaa,
it makes me feel better okay so i dont care now although we're getting onto the same track.
I wonder why you're scolded in the public that day, seriously.
and someone pulled me to that class just to watch a free-admission drama :D
thank you girl :D
and now you're getting okay-er with our gang.
it doesn't matter.
at least you know how i felt.
didn't you?
heeeeeeeeeee :D
LOL i'm such a revengeful person I don't care what you must suffer as I did.
you know what?
I don't know why suddenly on that morning everything turned worse.
it's because of you.
YOU.
YOU..........:D

heeeeee and don't ever have an idea on JJ D:
you know i'll definitely kill you,like what happened that day.
omg so bad D: D: D:

but i know you won't******

thank you :D

anywaysssssss X2,
i am so so so into Autumn's Concerto :D
跟屁虫，我知道你也是 :D

anywayssssss X3,
oh yes,dear
remember.
you did the same thing too.
to others.
don't put the blame on me :)
报应啊！
南无阿怩陀佛,善哉善哉.
a-mi-ta-bha,
报应啊！

2010-02-07T05:24:00.000-08:00

feelreallyuneasywheneveriaccidentallyseeyourphoto,withothersofcourseiknowitwouldntbemeanditwillneverbeme.
iamallrightiknowthisisthefactihavetoaccept,
butyouwillneverknowhowitfeels,
andhowmuchithurts.
itssimplyunforgettablealthoughwewereinthesameschoolforonlyashortwhile,28daysithink.
maybeevenlessthanthat.
idontknowwhatamigoingtodo.

痴心绝对 --- LI Sheng Jie :(
love,
J2

2010-02-07T04:42:00.000-08:00

情节有多坏，都不肯醒来，
我无法克制自己忍住，
忍住 :(

懦夫，
你终究是个懦夫，
我也是个懦夫，
可是至少胆怯得比你出色多了。
对，是你。
懦夫。
你凭什么这么说?
你根本不知道自己做了什么惹人讨厌.
可怜虫.

可怜虫，是你！

继续自怨自艾下去吧，可怜虫。
tell me please what's on your mind.

haih.
another hectic week's going to start :(
and penilaian 1 is just around the corner ouchhhhhhh D:
I just simply like to dream about something totally impossible, at least I've the right to dream.

not in the mood to do xue ji's report :(

林俊杰--X

2010-02-06T01:53:00.000-08:00

ahhhhhhhhh :(
blogging is definitely a good way to release one's stress :)
真的，打出你的坏心情，发泄你的臭脾气.
很难学会潇洒，
潇洒地放开，
潇洒地离开，
潇洒的分开。

虚伪,撕裂，
最近看得太多了，
也看得太远了。
总觉得自己很忙很忙，
到头来却不知道在忙什么。
你可以挥洒着爱，随心所在，潇洒着自在，
我不能，
每个人都不一样。

It's all about Xpression,
how you make your stand,
and how you play your plan.
remember i told you that you're definitely going to suffer?
and now it's the time.
everything's going to start, i'm such a revengeful person, and you know this clearly, don't you?
I can't describe that feeling when you're annoyed in that embarrassing situation.
you don't know how it feels.
i was happy.
that happiness was superb.
i feel like everything's going to be okay for me now, and you're the only one who's going to suffer.
i will remember your annoyed and embarrassed xpression forever.
feel it?
only 2 days for me, but you're definitely going to have more than that :)
you little annoying creature, good luck suffering.

...........................................................
傻的可以的愿望篇
----------------------

1.醒来发现，世界不一样了，变得更加痛苦了.
----只有这样我才会珍稀现在的一切。

2.眼泪干了，泪腺断了.
----只有这样,有多痛苦都不会哭.

3.生命里，有那么一个美好的遗憾.
----怎么可能有美好的遗憾，有那么一个圆缺，就不叫美好了.

4.忘记他.
----只有忘记，才能解放自己，才能有抬头挺胸向前走的勇气.

傻的可以，生活总得过，狂想一番也不为过.

2010-01-30T03:56:00.000-08:00

heeeeeee
finally the meeting was over :D
也不会被骂得狗血淋头啦，
只是意大利面条中遭而已，
还有一些细细碎碎的，
忘了 D:
最惨的就是捷传学哥的什么乳癌，
害我发笑被骂，
现在想起来还真好笑.

世界真细小，
想起卫兰的歌。
才发现志森学哥以前是公民的 O__O

you're getting more into xue ji now,tell me you're.
加油－林俊杰

2010-01-29T17:13:00.000-08:00

好辛苦，
我总是爱自怨自艾
好像最近都很爱叹惜啊，
烦恼一萝萝。
生活就是不能简简单单地过，
我太要强了。

等下要开学记小组会议 D: D: D:
不详的预感哪，
昕弈吓怕了我，
也做好了被骂的心理准备，
但是千万千万，
不要说我没有放心思下去做，
可以说我做得不好，
可以说我不够仔细，
也可以说设想不周到，
可是请不要说我没有用心去做。

为了这份计划书，
烦恼了两个星期。
难熬的两个星期，
累不累是另一个问题，
忙得喘不过气来才是重点。
也没有这么夸张，
还好我没有哮喘。

and being busy is somehow a good thing.
It means there’s work and there’s demand for your work.
see,I'm repeating my words but this thought motivates me alot.
that simply means that i am needed.
I-AM-NEEDED,please.

and for xue ji, I stop watching autumn's concerto for two weeks D: D: D: D:
this isn't important :D

林俊杰－加油
地震时你想和谁拥抱，
什么是生命中的美好。
轻易放掉，
却不知道，
幸福就在下一个转角。

this song motivates me even more. JJ LIN :D

oh yea :D
SMK AMINUDDIN BAKI :D
is now officially one of the 20 high-performance school :D :D :D
heeeeee I like that kind of expression when the others around you exclaim:
Wah,SAB ah.....
heeeeee :D
bangga gila.

anyway Muhyiddin Yasin and weeeeeeee kah siong just dropped by our school yesterday kononnya untuk merasmikan the high-performance school ceremony.

kind of feeling proud to be a SABian, at that moment,honestly.

and CLS's mandarin orange D:
it really dissapoint me alot.
haih but I still have to work it out.
jia you,贩卖部组长 :D

I'm going to skip PBSM's kawad for 4 days +++ D:
miss kawad alot haih but what to do?
宝贝营计划书,华文学会,tuition D: TUITION D: TUITION D: TUITION D:
there's still some bio classes and sukan tara and so on.
how good to be if there's 30 hours each day.
simply imagine, but it's still not enough, I'm not competent enough to manage my time well D:

grrrrrrrrrr 1 hour to go, 学记会议 D: D: D: D:

luckily today no need to go tuition at MARTIN :D
if not have to rush,RUSH,RUSHHHHHHHHH...
martin,
oh yes, I just bumped into 秋仪学姐，捷传学哥,志森学哥and some of the xue jiss at martin.
迥然不同的感觉，在外头遇到学记。是真的。...................................

.....................................
i need some fresh air.
i must look like a half-witted goldfish, gasping for more oxygen.
.........................................
lots of homework to be done.
for xue ji i had to leave my homework aside,
and i'm going to finish that right after this meeting.
city day mah
thanks alot to muhyiddin, because of him the whole school is busily preparing.
and teachers are not coming into our class nowadays.
high-performance school kononnya.

getting used to 4 Cekal, you cannot change the fact that is destinied thus you have to learn to accept it.

and that problem was left alone :D
thanks lot,to XH,
i know you must have say something that could have changed this.
thank you.

and to this annoying little creature, you're definitely going to suffer for what I was suffering in those 2 days.I'm such a revengeful person and I swear I'm going to do that on you,again.just simply like what you've done to me.以牙还牙，我记得你.

我太要强了，
什么都要比别人更胜一筹，
没有办法，
江山易改，本性难移。
太要强了，
应该学会软弱，

O_O YOU-ARE-GOING-TO-SUFFER,DUDE!

2010-01-27T02:17:00.000-08:00

学记 D: 宝贝营 D: 华文学会 D: 红新月会 D: PBSM kawad D: pihsdneirf D: chemistry sucks D:

see, everything seems to be going so so so so so WRONG D:

Being busy is somehow a good thing.

It means there’s work and there’s demand for your work.
But sometimes work can become a curse. It blinds us, and many things become unimportant in our busy schedules.
We lose touch, of many simple yet crucial life lessons, and we eventually become numb to the most important element in life - love D:

Being close to nature however, can help slow things down a little, and we can pause our metropolitan lifestyles just to feel life differently.

I’m glad I just took some time off my usual schedules to be a little closer to Mother Nature.

I love seeing the kids running all the way to get their ice-creams, I did that once ago.

haih.

全世界都在逆转，人开始反向思考。 and yes please, it's only the beginning of the year, I kept telling this to myself.But the fact is that everything seems to go wrong.tell me what's going to happen next, if you know, please.

running out ideas to do my proposal D:

uhhhh, I'm now spending around an hour each day to type the proposal.and I still feel that it's not enough, but what can i do huh!

tired enough to study the whole day until 2.30, and coming next is kawad D:

and then tuition, what else? and yes tomorrow is going to collect ordering forms from every class. and these days I'll be working like a stupid dumb donkey.

D: feel really bad, seriously. I need someone to talk to, something to rely on.

but what can i do.

tell me, please.

now I'm supposed to type my proposal, and I'm typing nonsense over here.it hurts.being busy is somehow a good thing.it can relieves the pain you're suffering from.mentally.

you're simply too busy to work and have no time to think. to sigh.to cry.

haih.

this is the life I'm going to lead.this year.I'm not feeling stressed,it's a weird feeling.you need something, you need someone to encourage you.and you find everyone's having their life happily, it's only you who is still suffering.

You're left alone, STILL MOVING UNDER GUNFIRE.while others are enjoying their life.

&^&%@&$&V*&^#%CHD&$#&#*$^GD$^*(@gb D: D: D:

i feel like breaking thousand plates and bowls and grrrrr anything else,the cracking sound sounds nice to me, NOW. I need something destructive, NOW.

life is still going on and I'm still suffering.

I used to think something worse, when I'm suffering.that somehow motivates me alot, there's still someone suffering more than what I'm having now.There's still many other undertakings you can't expect in the future.

and Imagine tsunamis is coming in the next second.earthquakes are going to destroy the world.no 2012, please. but whenever I think about that, I feel better for keep telling myself,

HEY, YOU'RE STILL ALIVE.

办不到的承诺，就成了枷锁。会锁着你的心，你的灵魂，一辈子，提醒着你，曾经，你对人许下那么一个不起眼的承诺，却无法完成。心会一直揪着痛。痛得忘了什么是痛。

那种，曾经以为是一辈子的承诺，最痛。

回想起来，最美。

2010-01-23T03:49:00.000-08:00

tau teng just texted me : OMG YUHAN GO WATCH 301,
and I wonder what's happening.
it's MY ASTRO 至尊流行榜颁奖典礼 :D

I love 方大同 :D :D :D :D

学记队，我好累。
and it's only the beginning of the year.
I don't know how many are going to give up later.
tell me what I did to deserve this, please.
他带着开玩笑的口吻跟我说: 三个字,你好烦.
然后很认真地跟我说 : no offensive, seriously.

我不懂，
一愣，怔在那里。
嘴角还僵硬地虚伪地笑着。
他也许只是不经意地一说，
可是，
也不经意地，
在我心坎，
划下一笔。
并不深刻，那是一种无形的伤害。
那种平淡，可以一扫而过，却隐隐作痛的伤害。
我也不知道为什么要提醒他去开会。
我可以装作不知道的。
我为什么要帮他打计划书的格式?
我不懂！

好了，
以后我不再烦人了。
我也不知道为什么我会这么做。
为什么我须要这么做。
我明明是个分数主义者，

学记队，
对我的学业，课外活动毫无利益可言。
可是为什么，我要这么投入，
我也不明所以。

看见他，
就想要帮他。
我们都是同一类人。
在他身上找到好多自己的影子。
对课业，学业的怕输心态。

实在太像了，
像极了以前的我，
读书的目的就是考试；
考试的目的就是全级第一名；
全级第一名的目的，我也不懂。
茫茫然地努力，朝着不知所谓的目标前进。
可能是身在福中不知福。
小学总是拿第一名，
上了中学仅居第二。
有那么一点落寞。

咏仪的回应最为正面，
玮琼和他，爱理不理，徘徊在放弃与前进的边缘。

很难受，
今晚会失眠.
可能有时候，要放下太多的疑惑，才能够专心地去学会快乐。

林俊杰--加油

全世界都在逆转，
人开始反向思考.

2010-01-21T03:51:00.000-08:00

今天很糟，
糟透了。
不经意的一望也罢，
心跳得乱糟糟，
为什么我们总是那么差劲。

加油，红新月会。
Gambateh, PBSM :(

还有的说，
华文学会的卖柑，
似乎比我预期中的还要糟糕。

还有，
真的很担心学记的宝贝营计划书。
真的 D:
毫无头绪,
谁来救我.

加油-- 林俊杰

2010-01-20T04:21:00.000-08:00

I am loving my new life :D, seriously.
I just simply enjoy the life fully packed with activities and so on.
and now i am striving hard to prepare a proposal for the 学记宝贝营.
heeee.
the first time I do this.
I don't expect much but i hope my effort works.
at least it is not going to be the worst, okay?
anyway just gave away the piles of ordering forms for CNY mandarin oranges :D
i hope this will be earning us alot :D
but haih! not as what I had expected.
only 8 ppl ordered in my class and grrrr there's not even one ordering from FORM 1 D:
relax heee it's only the first day :(
but I feel really bad as if something's churning in my stomach.
tell me it is not going to turn bad, please.
haih.
hoping that 学记下乡营 is not going to be held on the 16-18th of March.
grrrrr I wanna to attend both camp, .please. don't. disappoint. me. please.

终于战火不再蔓延，
也不重要了。

重生，
庆祝吧，
你应该的。

黑武士--林俊杰

2010-01-15T20:50:00.000-08:00

第一次如此接近死亡，
第一次那么害怕死亡，
愿这只是一个玩笑，
我要活下去，
在这个世界上。

拜拖，
让我没事。

2010-01-14T23:43:00.000-08:00

这三封信
折腾了我好久好久。
因为总是没有办法给信的主人回信。
两年了吧？
过了太久连自己也忘了那场大灾难何时发生。

直到昨晚的海地7级大地震，
也不知道自己的感受。
每每想到有几十万条无辜的性命惨遭活埋在废墟下。
好痛!
好沉重!

这三封信，
还是有同样的折痕，
还是一样的干净。

曾经，
有那么三个人，
握着这三封信，
满怀着期待，
交给他们的邮差叔叔，
渴望，
渴望着我的回信。

结果音讯全无。
结果石沉大海。
CLICK TO ENLARGE :D

好想跟这三封信的主人说声抱歉，
海地人民加油!

你们的心被震碎了，下一秒也瓦解了，
泪堆积成了河，

可是，要记得，我们住在同一个星球上，
海地，
加油!

编按:三封信都是四川的朋友写给我的 :D

2010-01-14T03:47:00.000-08:00

这是人受伤后会做出的正常反应。
噢不，实在很糗的情况下为难的反应。

heee.
I love crystal's class, I love my class the most.
still haven't decide what to bring his sunday D:
havent take the old clothes out yet.
what to donate hmmmm D:

myanmar people.
this made me thought of Rose.
I wonder how's she now.
缅甸难民。
我对难民的定义到底还是一知半解。
she seemed to be so happy.
maybe not.
errr.
a heart made from an one ringgit note will make her happy enough.
that was the christmas present I gave her.
heee I shall use one US dollar.

god bless her.
she wanted so much to become an America citizen.
*有联合国保护的难民可以申请成为美国合法性居民。
and yes she's only 19.
god knows how she came here.
she'll be fine.
GOD bless you, dear.
will visit you when I have the chance.

grrr 3 days left :D

p/s : congrats you're now 50 :D :D :D
p/p/s : dont lie again.
p/p/p/s : yes, the same goes to you.
p/p/p/p/s : CONGRATS AGAIN YOU'RE OFFICIALY 50 :D :D:D you rocks the world.
p/p/p/p/p/s : you will know what I mean if you are sensitive enough.
p/p/p/p/p/p/s : you rocks the world, seriously. for you're 50 :D

smile peeps, you're 50.

read this

2010-01-13T04:41:00.000-08:00

open your eyes yes it's you don't blink : 对号入座篇

千万千万不要对号入座。
是很糗的，
当你发现人家不是再说你。

~~TY, YMLN.~~

说我无理取闹也行
说我蛮横霸道也行，
昨晚经过你的学校了。
had a strong strong STRONG urge to looooook for you.
but i just walked around and, went back.

I don't have the courage to confront you, seriously.
heh but I don't think I was wrong for telling you the truth.
It's just the fact that you can't accept it.
don't try to put the blame on me.

I was waiting for your msg but ended up with DIGI's msg.
how stupid am I, I'd just realised this.

I just simply don't wanna break the silence between us.
I had made my 1st step.
it all depends on you.
I'm okay :D

grrr. not really.

嘿我有林俊杰就够了。
无名小卒，
你很快会褪色的，从我的记忆里。
突然想起以前同校的时候。
你总爱mxc mxc 的叫我。

你的电话簿里，
一定还是这么称呼我的吧。

也好，
至少那段记忆，
是最好的。

很开心认识你
也没想我们多久没见面了。

你还是那个原来无聊的男孩
一点都没变。

X.Simplicity.简简单单.DOWN

To end my 2011.

关于，学业，朋友和爱情

我很想爱他 但是眼睛在说谎隐瞒比较容易吧 免得感情变得复杂我很想爱他 但是理智在吵架退出可能解围吗 谁能给我一个好的回答 ♥

2010 回忆录 (:

2010 回忆录 (:

2010 回忆录 (:

2010 回忆录 (:

No,you are not a creature.

节目组,对不起.

awww,it rains when I think of you.

What we do...

J-C+

POM!

The beggars.

X=lost

X=interview

X=X

X=5

X=学记全国营=

X=I see you=

X=monday is definitely NOT a holiday,

X=X

X = 我们中间隔着一座桥，

X=thank you loser,

X = If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days,

X = :)

X=I'm no longer who I was,

X= When a bomshell burst,

X = 不小心回到那一天 =

X = 下一站，幸福 =

X=可怜不是天理=

X = Lunar New Year 2010, and it's Valentine's Day too =

X = and where's the CNY atmosphere =

X = 虚伪 撕裂 =

read this

我很想爱他但是眼睛在说谎
隐瞒比较容易吧免得感情变得复杂
我很想爱他但是理智在吵架
退出可能解围吗谁能给我一个好的回答 ♥

X = 虚伪撕裂 =